Zevon Lives

An Addiction To Hands And Feet, There's A Meat Market Down The Street...

2009-07-21T14:17:00.003-04:00

Regina Spektor - Dance Anthem of the 80s

As you know, Regina is my future wife, and her new album, Far, came out on June 23rd. And it's epic. And even more epic, on September 15, I'm totally seeing her in concert, and I can't even wait. I should work on my proposal techniques.

So I apologize for my lack of posts recently. There's not a lot of access to computers to blog when you're on Venus, working with the WWF to create an enclosed, satellite habitat for koala bears.

So I suppose I should give a brief summation of the past few months:

1) Became addicted to Awkward Family Photos and MyLifeIsAverage. It's a sickness.

2) Went skydiving (aka the greatest event of my life), meaning that everything in my life basically sucks now, because no matter what I'm doing, I find myself thinking, "I really wish I was falling through the air two miles above the ground..."

3) Started dating girl I've had a crush on for months, which makes me giggle.

4) Almost got hit by a car while dancing in the middle of the street during a thunderstorm. Lesson learned.

5) Had my birthday, which to the uneducated observer might have appeared to be a birthday party for either a six year old girl (via the Easy-Bake Oven) or boy (via the fully automatic Vulcan EBF-25 NERF Blaster Turret). That's how we do. Thanks friends.

6) Probably lots more things that I can't think of right now. Alas. But I suppose what can you do?

In other news, I start working with the women's soccer team on August 4th, and I can't even wait. I loves those girls. It'll be rad to the max. I feel good about it, considering that my soon to be boss has already threatened to "slap the shit" out of me. Naturally, I reminded her that I wear many more rings than she does, and I think I scared her away. Victory.

Also, one of the girls who's at home over the summer texted me a few hours ago telling me that she was making epic plans for adventures that will ensue the week she gets back into town. I'm pumped.

Oh! I remembered an exciting news-worthy event that I forgot to mention. I had this epic conversation with FormerJewishRoommate recently, and it still makes me giggle, just thinking about it.

Me: "Howdy!"

FJR: "Dude, let's go to IHOP."

Me: "Ahh, I'd love to, but alas, I'm not even in the same state as you."

FJR: "Well hurry up! So like an hour?"

Me: "No, dude, you don't get it. I'm nowhere near you. I'm in no position to go to IHOP with you either now or in an hour."

FJR: "So like an hour and a half? You seriously need to get back here. IHOP!"

Me: "Why won't you listen to me?!? I'm not going to IHOP with you! I'll go in a couple days when I'm back!"

FJR: "But dude, this is IHOP. But I can't drive, so just meet me at my apartment, and you can drive my car."

Me: "Really right now?"

FJR: "So I'll see you soon."

Me: "What is wrong with you?!? I'm not going to IHOP with you! I'm in the wrong state! We can go when I'm back in a couple days!"

FJR: "No IHOP?"

Me: "I hate you."

FJR: "Don't do it for me, do it for international relations. International pancake relations."

Me: "I'm hanging up on you. Huggles."

I hung up. He was very drunk, and very high. So I can hardly blame him for being upset about me not going to IHOP. I mean, being in a different state is hardly an excuse for missing out on drunken, stoned waffles (drunk stoned people eating waffles, that is, as opposed to the waffles being drunk and stoned).

I hope he'll forgive me someday.

Also, if you could send some good vibes to one of my little gymnasts, that would be amazing. Because her dad just died, which makes me sad. Gracias.

No One's Laughing At God When It's Gotten Real Late And Their Kid's Not Back From That Party Yet...

2009-05-13T21:36:00.000-04:00

Regina Spektor - Laughing With

NEW REGINA SINGLE!!! Ahhhh I can't wait until June 23. I'm going to be at Best Buy the second it opens. I'm so stoked.

So on Wednesday, May 27, I'm going to go see The Outer Vibe, and I don't think it's possible for me to be more excited. It's going to be extra magical...to the max...to the EXTREME!!!!

I'm stoked.

Oh. So this weekend, I went to Salvation Army with a few of my rowers, and we bought magical shirts. For example, I bought one that has nothing on the back, and on the front it says "DAVID" and has a big "7" in the middle. It's as if whoever was making it got confused, and put the back on the front.

Or the one that just mysteriously says "Hot Pockets" on the front.

Or the one that has nothing on the back, and just a big black "T" on the front. I don't understand. But it makes me smile.

So yesterday, I was walking to class, wearing my new (well, new for me), and far too small (size 50? I don't know what country that is) shirt that was apparently intended for an 11 year old girl, as it says "Small In Size, Big In Attitude."

Anyhoo, some random boy walks up to me and says, "is your shirt a joke?" Here's where you have to recall that I'm 6'5".

So I respond, "um, yeah I suppose it is."

Completely straight-faced, he responds, "I think it's funny."

He then walked away, leaving me befuddled. That bastard.

Is That Alright? Give My Gun Away When It's Loaded, Is That Alright, With You?

2009-05-06T18:48:00.001-04:00

Damien Rice - 9 Crimes

I've never watched the video for this song before now. It's currently a big favorite for creepiest music video of all time. But watch the whole thing, or else you won't really get the full effect. But wow, goodness me.

Anyhoo. So as TallRoommate and ShortRoommate have moved home for the summer, and as they found nobody to sublet from them, it's going to be just me and GayRoommate all summer. Thus, he has moved into the other bedroom, as it was decided that, despite the fact that we like eachother, there's not really a reason for us to share a room, and leave a room empty.

I suppose we could have turned it into some other sort of room (guest room, servant's quarters, giant moon bounce room, etc.), but I think that I'm satisfied with this decision.

Also. Wait. Did everyone watch the Red Wings game last night? I'm still upset. First, can we go over that it was at this point that the ref decided that the puck was dead, and he should probably blow the whistle? Except, wait, what's that rubber object in the bottom corner? Oh! It's the puck! In full view! Not being touched by anyone! About to be tipped into the net! Damn you Brad Watson. Damn you to hell. And the worst part is, the whistle didn't even blow until after the puck went in the net (time 1:21 in the video). It was just decided that the ref intended to blow it before it went in. I wanted to throw something at the TV.

And dear Brad Stuart, apparently you're not allowed to check anyone anymore. Because if you hit them too hard, you're going to get a bullshit interference call. I hate people.

In happier news, I've decided to become a model. I know, it's exciting news. The end.

And All Our Lives Were Lost In Vain, Now They've Got More To Fear Than A Hurricane...

2009-05-04T19:34:00.006-04:00

Or, The Whale - Call and Response

I like the name of this band. It makes me want to read Moby Dick. Perhaps I should have read that already at this point in my life, but I guess what can you do?

So I got breakfast with my amiga this morning, per our brand new ritual of "Mondays With Awesome." I believe she named it, but I'm not totally sure which one of us she's labeling as the awesome one. I like to think me.

But it was pretty rad. We sat in a coffeeshop and played my new favorite game. It's called "Let's Judge Strangers." Here's how you play. Basically, you watch strangers walk past, and judge them. It's great fun.

Speaking of new games, wait for it. I legit invented this one, and it's going to be huge. It's intended purely for when you're at a party with large quantities of drunk people. Here's what you do. You go to a party with a sleeve of crackers (preferably Ritz, but other generic brands work as well). Walk around at the party, go up to people having a conversation, and when one of them is talking, insert a cracker into their mouth. Then walk away. It's basically the best thing ever.

It might not sound like much, but I swear, if you do it, you'll think it's hilarious. Because it totally is.

And when it's an international craze, just know that you heard it here first.

Don't You Call Me Your Friend, Or On The Phone. Don't You Dare When You're Alone. Just 'Cause You're Lonely Don't Mean That You're In Love No More...

2009-05-03T19:07:00.006-04:00

Patrick Thomas - Anymore (you have to go down and click on the play button next to the song)

So I'm terribly sorry for the huge span of time without any posts. My life has been incredibly busy, and I've just been fairly unable to post.

So let me try to update you on major occurrences that took place (or occurred, if I may) during my absense. I left you just before I attended an Andrew Bird concert. Which was magical. And then about an hour after the show, I was in the general vicinity of the theater, and I saw Andrew Bird. Naturally, I had no choice but to run up to him and sputter out something along the lines of "you're...oh wow...you're...this is crazy...you're Andrew Bird."

He looked at me strangely and responded, "yeah, I'm Andrew Bird."

"I just saw your concert, and it was ridiculously epic."

He smiled and goes "oh really? I'm glad to hear it."

We then chatted for several minutes, and he then looks at me and goes "Well, I'm supposed to meet up with a few old friends, but would you like an apple? It's organic and really good." He then held out the apple that he was holding. And no, it didn't seem strange at all.

"I'd like nothing more." So I took it from him, I hugged him (and yeah, he totally hugged me back), and we departed. I then ate that apple, and I swear to you, it tasted like talent. And let's think about it for a second, he probably was sweating at least a little, and no doubt some of his sweat and whatnot got on that apple, meaning that I may or may not have ingested some of that talent. I should go record an album right now.

Let's see what else happened in my life. I withdrew from my physics class with one lecture left, as I was failing. Apparently they don't usually allow that to happen, but because I'm pretty cool, they accepted my petition. And I'm pretty stoked about it. Plus that meant that I finished with exams a week earlier than anticipated, and over a week before any of my roommates, which seemed to upset all of them. And I loved it.

Oh, and I made a new friend at Kroger. I was there with 7 or 8 or my amigas, super late at night (yay for 24 hour stores!), and as we were walking out, I spotted a super friendly looking (she just was, don't question it) cashier who was adding up her register or something, so she had no customers. But instead of saying anything, we just walked out.

However, when we got to the car, I said to myself "What are you doing? Go make a friend!" So I made one of the girls come back in with me, and I went up to her:

"Hey, as I was walking out a minute ago, I thought you looked super friendly, but then I walked out, but now I came back, so I think we should be friends."

smiling "Well then, let's be friends."

"No, but I mean real friends. Not just Kroger friends."

"Well how do you want to do this?"

"Oh girl please, I came up with the idea of being friends. You have to do the rest."

"Well do you have a Facebook?"

"You know I do."

So now she and I are Facebook friends. And we're totally hanging out this week. And I couldn't be happier about it.

Oh, and yesterday was my amiga's father's birthday. So she made me go shopping for his present with her, and I decided that I should probably get him something too. Naturally, I purchased him a bag of Circus Peanuts, because that's funny to me.

That night, he and I shared this convo, via text (of course we text):

Oh and timeout, he sent me this first text at 2:06 AM. I didn't question why. But I'm curious.

Amiga's Father: "I love my Circus Peanuts. Thank you sooo much. Do you recommend eating them now or letting them age for a few more years?"

Me: "haha personally, i recommend never eating them, and see if they ferment. but thats just me"

AF: "Wow there's an option I have never considered. Is it possible to get wasted on fermented circus peanuts? I should try that"

M: "im excited for it. i hear twinkies do the same thing."

AF: "In 12 years, let's have a party."

That man makes me smile.

And on the subject of Circus Peanuts, I was trying to describe them to someone at a party last night. Naturally, I described them as being gummies that were like kiwis that never ripened, but that did get thrown on the ground a lot, except that they're orange and shaped like peanuts, but then for some unknown reason, banana flavored. I think that's pretty accurate, yes? At the time, at least, it made perfect sense.

So that's been life for the past few weeks. I'm sure other things happened, but I can't remember them, so let's hope that they weren't too important.

Soldier On, Soldier On, Soldier On, Soldier On...

2009-04-08T13:17:00.004-04:00

Andrew Bird - Fitz and Dizzyspells

So after much deliberation, I'm taking a few hour break from studying physics to go to see Andrew Bird tonight. I'm basically stoked. I've heard that he puts on amazing shows, so it should be pretty magical. So I mean, feel free to be jealous. I can hardly blame you.

We Spent Each Hour Of Every Day Taking For Granted It Would Be This Way, No Other Possibility. She's Everything To Me...

2009-04-07T11:42:00.000-04:00

Low Season Combo - Colourful Invasion

Low Season Combo is just so straight up happy, I feel as if it's impossible not to like them. The end.

First off. How could this song be a new hit? I mean, I understand that lot's of songs come out that think that they're introducing baller new dances. But dancing as if your leg stinks...er stank? For real?

Plus, this is a terrible terrible music video. Yeah, it rivals "First of tha Month."

Anyhoo. So my gymnastics girls lost at regionals, so I suppose I'll cancel my trip to Nebraska for nationals. Damn. I was super excited for it. And had I known that I wouldn't have had to save my money for Nebraska, I totally would have gone to Arkansas for regionals, but I knew that I couldn't afford both. Poor life decision. Hmm.

Oh, and are we ready for the most embarassing moment ever? So I'm videochatting with FavoriteUConnStudent, and skillfully fell asleep. I was real tired apparently. But it was bad news bears. Yeah, I was mid-conversation, and fell asleep. Goodness.

Oh! And this happened like a week ago, but I forgot to mention it. I officially got my team assignment for next semester and I'm with women's soccer. I'm super stoked. It was my first request, so I'm pumped. I like the soccer girls a lot. Plus, they tell me that they like to talk shit with the other teams, and that makes me smile. You don't get too much of that with women's gymnastics. Mostly they like to hug their opponents, which yes, is adorable, but is much less exciting.

Speaking of things that happened a while ago, we had our 6,000th visitor! It was really a while ago and I somehow didn't notice, and my Site Meter thing doesn't keep track of visitors that far back, so instead, we're going to celebrate our 6,300 visitor! This time it goes to...dang, someone in Fort Mill, SC who stumbled here via Google images. So...6,301st!!!! Goes to...our favorite reader out of Gainesville, Florida!

Hurray for you! Despite the fact that you probably are a Gator, I don't hate you. Huzzah!!

If Someone That You Know Needed Something From You...

2009-04-02T11:59:00.001-04:00

Bill Ryder-Jones - Someone That You Know

Now this is possibly his worst song, but it was the only one I could find streaming online. It's still a good song, and I really like it, but it's far from his best. However, this video is made from clips from the movie Christiane F., which I'm a fan of. So there you have it.

First off, happy birthday to Jaimee Harris. Because she's my girl. I don't know if she knows it yet, but that doesn't faze me.

So last night my friend wanted to run and jump into my arms (why not?), so she tells me to stand there, and she's going to run at me. But for some reason, she thinks that I need to be more intense about it, so she instructs me to "make a face like you're pooping," because that's apparently as intense as it gets.

So, naturally, I decide to rock a huge awkward smile, and give her the double thumbs up, at which point ShortRoommate jumps in with "that really is what he looks like when he poops." My friend is aghast.

Friend: "WHY ARE YOU SO HAPPY WHEN YOU POOP?!?"

Me: "I...um..."

ShortRoommate: "He just likes the way it feels!"

F: "You disgust me."

M: "But...I...wait..."

SR: "Yeah, he's pretty sick."

M: "I hate you."

Why did nobody question the fact that my roommate is claiming that he watches me poo on a regular basis?!? That doesn't seem strange?!? God damn it.

I Thought That Time Was On Our Side...

2009-04-01T10:28:00.003-04:00

James Morrison - Please Don't Stop the Rain

Who's going to go see James Morrison next month? That's right. It's me. And this song just makes me smile if only because I like to think of it as a response to CCR.

So I'm in the training room with one of my rowers and the head trainer, and the rower is telling me about her first date with this guy the previous night (Applebee's and Last House On The Left). So I kind of laughed a little at the poor movie choice, and she say's to me, "you're judging me right now, aren't you?"

Before I could answer, the head trainer offered, "no he's not really a judgemental person. Though, you know what they say about people that live in glass houses."

The rower gets this amazed look on her face, and says to me, "wait. You live in a glass house?!?" She was in awe, and no doubt trying to figure out how she hadn't seen such a house on campus.

I lost it. I was fairly certain I was going to suffer the horrible demise of death by laughing. It was terrible. We proceeded to explain the common (or so I thought) saying to her, and she felt kind of like an idiot.

But then that afternoon, she informs me that she looked it up, and there's a Glass House Cafe just a few minutes away, and that she thinks that we don't really have a choice but to go this evening. So we're getting coffee tonight, and I'm no doubt going to use the opportunity to continue to ridicule her. I'm stoked.

We Were Invincible, So We Drove Fast Cars And Drank Too Much...

2009-03-29T18:47:00.003-04:00

The Good Luck Joes - Invincible

I've decided that the Joes are worthy of another blog entry. I do believe that they've earned it. I know, it's quite an honor.

Anyhoo, I've had what we like to call an "incredibly super busy week or so," hence my terrible blogging (slash lack there of). But I think that I'm fixed.

So my Madre and Padre came to visit today, which was super exciting. True story.

But let me recap a bit of what you've missed:

So last weekend I drove to Illinois for the Women's Gymnastics Big Ten Championships, which was terribly exciting for me. I basically loved it. We drove down the night before and slept in my car at a rest stop, where we met a new friend. She too spent the night in her car, and in the morning we shared and epic breakfast of Gushers. It was pretty magical.

However, the next night, we drove straight back. Fearing that I'd fall asleep, I chose instead to drink an unsafe number of Red Bulls (read: less than 10, more than 5). It was a horrible decision (read: it was like taking speed, but less fun). I was super jumpy the entire car ride, meaning that everything I saw scared me. I'd be driving and a car would pass, and I'd yell and think I was about to die. Or I'd see a large tree and do the same thing. I did the same thing for roadkill, exit signs, funny looking clouds, etc. It was terrifying. When we got back to campus, and I had to drive through an actual city, I'm pretty sure I had several heart attacks because of all the pedestrians.

But there were no major side effects, save the fact that I didn't sleep very well that night, my eyes were killing me (probably had something to do with me not blinking 6 hours), and for some unknown reason my toes tickled really badly. It was odd.

Wait. I just thought of this. Can we go over the fact that Travis is an awful name? If there's a Travis out there that's not a terrible person, I'm sorry. But except for you, the one exception, all other Travises are bad bad people. The end.

But anyhoo, once more, thanks to my Madre and Padre for driving all the way here to see me, even though they were only going to stay a few hours, and then drive all the way home. You're basically ballers. Fin.

Got Scared 'Cause The Thunder...

2009-03-19T12:23:00.002-04:00

Cake Like - Suck

Now that the tournament has officially started, I just thought I would throw this up, so that everyone knows what a winning bracket looks like.

far more beautiful music than i could ever make

2009-03-17T13:07:00.002-04:00

Samuel Barber - Adagio For Strings

In case you haven't heard this, you best listen right now. Because it's about the most beautiful thing that I've ever heard. It's also incredibly sad, which is why I'm using it now.

Why am I sad? Well I'll tell you. Miss Mary Ann, the fish, has perished. I just found her, stuck against the filter. I don't know if she died via being sucked there, or if she died, and then was just sucked against it because she wasn't swimming. But either way, I'm heartbroken.

Poor De Quervain too. What will he do without a friend? I'll have to get him a new one.

Well If I'm Undone By Thinking Alone, I Bristle To Prove That I'm Ruled By The Moon...

2009-03-17T09:40:00.000-04:00

The Duke Spirit - My Sunken Treasure

I'm fairly certain I've never laughed this hard in my entire life. It's probably not actually that funny, but there you have it. I love it.

Oh, and as the bracket is officially set, it's time for predictions. And yes, you heard it here first. Dayton over Pitt to win it all! WOOO!!!

AND WAIT! HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!! HURRAY!!! I woke up at five to go hang out at the frat that my roommates from last year are in. They had already been up for several hours. Most of them were partaking in an epic case race, but much to everyone's dismay, JewishFormerRoommate wasn't taking part.

As they drunkenly ripped on him, he kept trying to say something about an exam in two hours, but let's be real, that's what we call a "poor excuse." Granted, I too had an exam at 8, and did not partake, but I'm also not in a frat. That's what we call a "super excuse."

Oh, and in case you're wondering, yes, I did indeed own my exam. What's that exam? You want to know why the Lochman's test is preferable to the anterior drawer test for an ACL rupture? Well I'll tell you! Because the Lochman's test eliminates the possibility of a false negative due to the hamstrings keeping the tibia in place, it allows the tester to either test just the ACL, or the ACL and the anterior portion of the joint capsule, depending on the angle of knee flexion, and it eliminates the possibility of a false positive because of a ruptured meniscotibial ligament, aka a floating meniscus injury! Suck it!

Yeah, that's how we do.

Final point of the day: let's go over the fact while I love shopping at Salvation Army and Goodwill and whatnot, I don't think I'd ever purchase a wig there. No me gusta.

If I Fall Back Down, You're Gonna Help Me Back Up Again. If I Fall Back Down, You're Gonna Be My Friend...

2009-03-15T18:35:00.004-04:00

Rancid - Fall Back Down

I've been on a big Rancid kick lately. I can't help myself. I honestly love them, and this is definitely one of my top ten songs of all time. I love it so. So if you don't know it, and if, god forbid, you don't listen to Rancid (a crime), at least give it a listen. Because you'll love it.

So I got back from my Athletic Training conference in Indiana, and it was basically a magical good time. I met a badunk-load of people, which is always fun. Also, one of the nights, I found myself leading a conga line, teaching strangers how to ballroom dance (how to tango, specifically), learning how to break dance at a hole of a bar called The Thirsty Camel (apparently my nights are all consumed with dancing?), discussing with the head trainers of various schools the logistics of drop-kicking people out of windows (basic conclusion: it would be difficult, but totally worth it), etc.

I also learned a lot. For example, apparently there's a bone in the body that I had never heard of. The fabella. I thought that I was aware of all the bones of the body, but clearly I was wrong. Who knew?

Oh! I also learned a bunch of new Kinesio taping techniques. This was a super exciting lecture for me to attend, because Kinesio Tape is basically my fav kind of tape. It's just super weird, and I love it. In case you're not familiar with what Kinesio Tape is, recall the strange looking tape job that Kerri Walsh had on her shoulder this past Olympics. Also, padre, the Postal Service team also used to use it.

Anyhoo, I find myself using it often on my athletes, but I had no idea some of the things it can be used for. For example: headaches! (number 6, in the picture) Now, I'm fairly certain that wouldn't actually work, though I swear to you, I still don't really understand how this tape works at all. But what I do know is that my athletes always like it, and something makes it work. My guess: wizards.

Also. Can we just go over the fact that St. Paddy's day is the best holiday ever? It's the only holiday that can get stretched over several weeks without me finding it obnoxious. I can celebrate it this weekend, on Tuesday, next weekend, and then at the few lingering St. Patrick's day parties the next weekend. And I love it.

I'm pretty sure that it's the most glorious few weeks every year. For example, yesterday morning/afternoon, I was hanging out at various houses, along with thousands of students. It was a magical sea of green, and I'm fairly certain that nobody was unhappy at all. And in case you're saying to yourself, "say, did you, along with a random frat, yell at a mailman and get him to park his truck and come party and hang out with you guys?" Well the answer to that would be "yes, and it was glorious." "After a little while, he did continue his route?" "Why yes." Though I'm pretty sure he was a little wasted, so it's tough to say if anyone actually got their mail yesterday.

It was strange though, because in the middle of the afternoon, I had to leave the magical fray and go with my friend to the mall, as she wanted to buy new clothes, and when I walked in, NOBODY WAS WEARING GREEN. NOBODY WAS DRUNK. NOBODY WAS DANCING. Apparently, in the real world, outside of my little campus bubble, people only celebrate St. Patrick's day on St. Patrick's day. Losers.

Final point of the day: how could Race to Witch Mountain be leading the box office this weekend?!? I mean, really? It's The Rock...er...Dwane "the Rock" Johnson...I mean...Dwane Johnson! For real?!

And I Remember The Truth, A Warm December With You...

2009-03-12T20:33:00.000-04:00

Joshua Radin - Winter

So I'm leaving for Indiana in a hot second for an athletic training conference at IU. It should be a magical good time. Mostly because it's a whole new group of people for me to meet, and as that's my fav activity, it should be stellar.

Plus...I get to get dressed up. I'm stoked.

However, this trip did prompt my FavoriteUConnStudent to point out how lame I am. So here's the question, am I indeed super lame? Well I mean, clearly, yes I am, but did it really take until this for it to show? I feel as if it was always fairly obvious.

So last night, one of my gymnasts and I holed ourselves up in a classroom for 7 hours to study. I had a physics exam today, while she had one in anatomy, meaning that every 10 minutes or so she'd look up with some sort of anatomical question ("where is your posterior superior iliac crest," or "what's the insertion for the longissimus," or my all time favorite, "wait, what the fuck is a fossa? I've been memorizing them for hours, and I have no idea what they are.").

But it was a super good study sesh. For one, I was incredibly productive, and two, it made me feel super smart, because finally I was being asked questions about a subject that I actually understood (as opposed to physics, that is).

So she texted me today, informing me that she owned her exam, and she expected me to do the same with physics. I may or may not have let her down. It's too soon to say. All I know is that no matter how much I study and meet with tutors for that class, I still have no idea what I'm doing. It's upsetting.

Oh, and dear madre, because I'm going to forget to tell you. One of my friends totally used to be your patient. The last name connection was made today. I don't know what made her think of it, but there you have it. It made me giggle.

Also, this might be the funniest thing I've ever read. One of my friends sent it to me, knowing my hate for Nickelback (as they're the absolute worst band ever). But even better are all the comments afterwards. It's super intense, and I love it.

Stop Telling Me The Right Way To Go, I'm On My Own...

2009-03-09T13:20:00.007-04:00

Mates of State - You Are Free

So my padre sent me this article, insisting that it was no doubt blog-worthy. I looked at the title, and thought to myself, "yes, I hate Florida State, because they're evil, but I don't know if I'd say it's blog-worthy."

I then read the article.

He was totally right. And all because of one line: "The cheating occurred mainly through online testing for a single music history course..." That's right. A music history course. Embarassing.

Also, I'm going to take you back a little. Remember that epic day when I was called a "half-friend?" Well I sure do. Because it was incredibly traumatizing. But I thought it was all behind me.

I was terribly wrong.

So I'm talking to one of my rowers in the training room today, and we're discussing what she did this weekend, and she's telling me about her magical activities, and I notice that her adventures always involve the same two people. So I say to her, "so are they just your fav people in the world?"

She responds by saying, "well I really only have like two and a half friends." This perplexes me. So I say, "well I mean, I'm glad that you don't waste your time on faux-friendships, and you just stick with people you really care about, but who's this half a friend?"

"You of course."

ME OF COURSE?!? "Hold up, wait a minute. I'm half a friend? I'm a half-friend?!?"

"Well you have to understand, I've been best friends with those two for years. I've only really hung out with you a couple times, and we only met a couple months ago. I don't think that it's really possible for one to elevate to full friend status in that amount of time."

I decided that I was okay with that. And I mean, I guess if she thinks that I make up one fifth of her good friends, that's cool with me.

Oh, and final note, I'm joining an Irish dance group. It has a long, winding story to go with it, but I have to depart for practice. But next time. And it'll be magical.

And I Know Kung-Fu, And I'm Not Afraid Of You. 'Cause I Might Be Small, But I'm Not A Coward, I've Got Puppy Powers That I'm Not Afraid To Use...

2009-03-05T10:44:00.005-05:00

The Boy Least Likely To - Every Goliath Has Its David

I love this whole album. You will do. Especially you ObnoxiouslyHappySister, or Robin. Let me know if you want it.

Also, I don't know what "puppy powers" are, but I want them.

Again, I'm sorry for the large lapse in posting. I've been incredibly busy with gymnastics. All these girls keep thinking it's okay to hurt themselves. Jesus. What are they thinking?

Anyhoo. Remember my magical essay that I wrote, featuring quite possibly the best ever metaphor involving a cartoon show? And remember how I said that I feel an A, despite the fact that I haven't gotten an A on an essay since Junior year of high school?

WELL GUESS WHO GOT AN A ON THAT ESSAY! THAT'S RIGHT! THAT'S HOW WE DO!

Anyhoo (again).

So are you ready for this? So there's one concert that I'm going to in the next few months that sticks up above the others. "What concert," you may ask. I'll tell you. Spinal Tap.

Oh yes. That's right. Feel free to be jealous. I sure would be.

Oh and so last night, a couple of my amigas and I baked the best ever oatmeal raisin cookies (except without raisins, because fruit doesn't belong in cookies, so really they were oatmeal chocolate chip cookies). And while I'm baking them, one of my friend's roommates said something about a birthday present from her brother.

You can imagine how upset I was:

"When was your birthday?!"

"Um...February 5th?"

"And you didn't think that it was important to tell me ahead of time?!?"

"But...but I just met you tonight..."

"Don't argue with me! How am I supposed to bake you a birthday cake if you don't tell me it's your birthday??"

"But no, really, I didn't know you until an hour ago."

I started getting really upset at this point "I hate you."

"I guess you can still make me a cake?"

I started getting less upset "What kind??"

"Yellow. No, white."

"Funfetti?"

"No, wait, chocolate."

"It's on. I'll have it here tomorrow."

At this point, for some reason, she thought it was a good idea to sass me. "You mean you don't have my birthday cake yet?? My birthday was almost a month ago! What kind of friend are you??"

I could have slapped her.

But it means I get to bake a cake this evening, and I like baking cakes, so it's all good. I only have one jar of chocolate frosting though, because I almost never make chocolate cakes. I really only have it there for emergencies. I guess this counts.

Oh, and I forgot to mention.

We had our 5,500th visitor! Quite a while ago actually. Oops.

But anyhoo, this time, the prize goes to our fav reader out of Syracuse, NY! WOO!!! I knew that one of the New York readers would get it eventually. I'm terribly proud.

I Want You To Know That I Love You, Baby...

2009-03-01T21:43:00.002-05:00

Condo Fucks - What'chat Gonna Do About It?

Yes, this is indeed a cover of the Small Faces song. It's from the debut album by Condo Fucks (the same members of the band Yo La Tengo, different name) called Fuckbook. It's a play on the album by Yo La Tengo (Facebook) that consists mostly of covers, as opposed to this album, which is entirely covers.

And I love it.

As far as I can tell, three guys armed with a drum kit, a bass guitar, and an electric guitar sat in a basement, set up a microphone attached to a boom box, inserted a blank tape, pressed record, and tried to play 11 songs that they heard on the radio.

They did it all in one take (meaning that it takes you as long to listen to the whole album as it did to record it), and they did nothing in the way of production, so the quality isn't what one would call pristine, but I really really like it nevertheless. It makes me smile.

My favorite on the album is their cover of "Shut Down," by the Beach Boys. It's pretty magical. I couldn't find it anywhere online, so if you want it, feel free to holla at me.

And of course, if you want the whole album, let me know.

Anyhoo, I met someone this weekend who's last name is Woo. Yup. That means every time I see her, I can just cheer ("WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"). I'm sure she won't find it obnoxious at all.

Also, I'm legit upset about this. And not just because one of them is one of my Lions. But also, when was the last time you heard about someone being "lost at sea?" I didn't realize that still happened. I don't mean to come off like I'm just joking about this, because I mean, it's people's lives. So this really sucks. Truth.

Oh! Happier news! Tomorrow is my grandma's birthday. I wish that she knew how to use the internet, because she'd see this, and maybe I'd move up in the grandchild rankings (current position: 7). If only...

Oh, Look What You've Done, You've Made A Fool Of Everyone...

2009-02-28T13:06:00.000-05:00

JET - Look What You've Done

Yes, I had to choose this video. Hannah Montana drama!!!!

But I do love this song. I can't help it.

Anyhoo. I learned a valuable lesson last night: never watch a horror movie with girls that are stronger than you. Because I definitely have finger shaped bruises all over my arms.

Also, this was brought to my attention as the best infomercial out there ("even better than the Snuggie"). I'd have to agree. I love the people struggling to type on their computers while sitting on it.

I'm also a fan of the creepy middle aged man ("this feels great on my abs...).

I literally cried the first time I saw it.

Oh, and now that my spring break is over, I'll get back to posting more regularly. I can't imagine that anyone was all that upset, but no worries! I'll be posting anyway!

So I watched Chocolat this morning, because I love that movie, and it reminded me why Juliette and Johnny are some of my favs.

It also made me want to have a boat-full of gypsies for friends. So if anyone out there knows of any, holla at me.

I Could Be Reasonable, I Could Fight. I Could Have At Least Been A Little Bit Wiser. So Long, Long, Such A Long Way To Go...

2009-02-25T18:59:00.002-05:00

Grand Archives - Miniature Birds

First off, so my Madre sent me this article, apparently as a threat. I don't know how I feel about that. Because clearly this could never happen. Nobody would stab me in the left buttock, my glutes are too powerful! My physical therapist told me so! The knife would just bounce off. That's ridiculous.

Also, don't fret! The White House Menace has been caught! I can only assume you've been worrying. I saw that headline before I saw the picture of a raccoon, and I was so curious as to how it took very long to catch such a menace. I mean, yes, it's a fairly large house, but still, I feel as if there's only so many places to hide.

Then I saw the picture and read the article, and it made much more sense.

Kind of.

Do You Really Want To Live Forever? Forever, Forever Young...

2009-02-24T00:54:00.006-05:00

Temperance - Forever Young

Why yes, this is a cover of the Alphaville classic. Now, "Forever Young" has been covered by several people. Sometimes they turn out not too bad, like the version by Temperance, or by Youth Group, or this one by some unknown artist. But then sometimes, they turn out epic, like this version by Bloink 110. I mean, yes, it's clearly terrible, but it makes me really really happy.

Anyhoo.

I don't know if you know how I feel about hipsters, as a group, but if you don't I'll tell you. I hate them. They're evil.

Not each individual hipster, I suppose. But the hipster establishment, for sure. And most hipsters as individuals.

But anyhoo, hipsters=evil. So thanks to Robin for bringing this to my attention. It makes me smile.

Also, I'm on CNN.com, and I see the headline "Are movies good for a first date?" Really? Is that even a question?

Now, I didn't read the article. I'm too busy (ignore the fact that I'm on spring break and doing nothing with my life. I'm a busy bee, I swear...). So I don't know what this woman thinks. But I can tell you what I think (read: know).

Movies are the best ever first date. If your date doesn't think you guys should be all up on each other, well then no worries! There's a movie playing! You don't need to be! But if your date does indeed think that you guys should be all up on each other, well then even better! It's dark! Go ahead! Be all up on me!

Plus, it leads to great conversations: favorite movies (Rocky, The Notebook, Clueless, The Dirty Dozen, in that order), favorite actors (Sly, Johnny Depp, Will Smith, Clint Eastwood, Ryan Gosling), favorite actresses (Laura Linney, Talia Shire, Meryl Streep [sorry Padre], Juliette Binoche, Ingrid Bergman), favorite Girl Scout cookie (peanut butter patty), favorite intial name (TJ), etc.

And then, if you're really looking to be sentimental, and you think you're going to have a future with this person, you can save the ticket stub. That way, years later, you can pull it out, and be all "I always knew..." It'd be adorable. Give me credit.

Thus, greatest first date ever. Don't argue.

What Is It, I Don't Remember...

2009-02-22T21:45:00.002-05:00

Hot Chip - One Pure Thought

So I'm watching the Oscar's, and that deal they just did with James Franco and Seth Rogan made me giggle a lot a bit. True story.

And if Mickey doesn't win Best Actor, I might cry. Before I saw The Wrestler, I was all for Sean Penn winning, because he did a rad job. But then Mickey killed it. Truth.

doo doo doo doo doo awesome piano...

2009-02-22T13:21:00.002-05:00

Abdullah Ibrahim (aka Dollar Bread) - Ubu-Suku

So this is all instrumental, but he's amazing, and if you don't listen, you're missing out. Because after you listen to it, you're going to look up more of his stuff, and it's ridiculous. Like this.

So I've been terrible at posting these past couple days. I've been at women's swimming Big Ten championships, and it was basically amazing. I was working there as an athletic trainer, because they always need more people standing around uselessly. I mean, don't get me wrong, I suppose I did this and that, but the majority of the time was useless standing.

But I met some of the coolest people of my life, which is always fun. And I mean, it kind of sucks, because every time I meet someone cooler than me, that puts me in a slightly lower percentile, coolness-wise. And I've met a lot of people way cooler than me, thus meaning that I'm dropping fast.

One of these way way cooler people that I met was a diver from another school (no Laura, not that one). I met her in the training room a few days before, and she's basically a baller. So she'd do her dive, and I'd cheer and yell and what not, and everyone around me looked at me like I was smoking crack, as apparently I'm not supposed to be cheering for people from other schools. But I managed to convince them, via well thought out argument ("well...um...shut up") that I should be able to cheer for her, and eventually, I got a couple people to join in. So bam! That's how we do!

But now that I'm done with that, I'm officially on spring break (WOOOOOOOO!!!). My apartment is empty, as all my roommates are gone, but as we all know, the cool kids don't go anywhere for spring break, because they still have practice.

But as my apartment is empty, my current plan is to sit around all day without pants on. That's how I roll. I have to break from my plan for a couple hours this afternoon to go bake a cake with a few of my friends, but after that, they're coming off. Hell, they might come off when I'm with my friends. Let's be real, it wouldn't even seem strange to them.

Oh and timeout. One of my friends sent me this website, and it made me laugh. I don't understand it, but I'm still pretty sure it's hilarious.

Also, that's right. There's a Facebook Furor!!! Though unlike the other issues they discuss, apparently only one person has noticed. So maybe not a furor, as much as...quiet mumblings? Slash grumblings?

I Saw An Apparition Once, A Long Long Time Ago...

2009-02-19T00:34:00.001-05:00

Heartless Bastards - Searching For The Ghost

So I'm going to see Heartless Bastards and The Gaslight Anthem in April. I'm so stoked. If you read my blog, you may recall that I had The Gaslight Anthem as my song of the day a couple weeks ago, and I can only assume that you love them too.

But anyhoo, I'm super pumped. It'll be epic.

So my spring break starts this weekend, and I'll be chillaxing here with the gymnasts, as they still have practice. I'm actually pretty pumped to be in this city when it's basically deserted. It's going to be pretty magical.

Really, I've been on break since Tuesday morning, when I had my last exam. So while my roommates have been studying like maniacs all week, I've been very content, as the rest of mine were last week. Haha suckers...

I am, however, going to be putting my spare time over break to good use: namely, perfecting my carrot cake recipe. It was decided that I used too much cinnamon. So I'll have to use a little less (roughly a quarter-dash less, we decided). And then it'll be perfect. Oh, and scratch the walnuts. Because walnuts are gross.

AND I FORGOT TO TELL YOU! I NOW OWN A SHAMWOW!!!!! It's been so great. GayRoommate and I have been purposely spilling full glasses of water all over our counter, just so we can soak up all the water with the power of the Shamwow (the WOWer, if I may). It's magical.

We also sometimes just fill a bowl with water and put the Shamwow in, and just watch it absorb. It's quite possibly the most entertaining activity of my life.

All my friends are jealous, as I talk about it incessantly, and today one of them sent me this picture, and it makes me smile. Because it's true.

Oh, and this is the most ridiculous shit of my life. Mostly the part where his compensation was reduced by 35% percent, because he was merely 35% responsible. Goodness gracious.

I've just been trying to figure out how they came to that number. It kind of makes me giggle. Okay, it totally makes me giggle. A lot. But it's still ridiculous, and that's that.

Well They Found Him In The Catwalk When He Was Knighted For The Throne...

2009-02-16T22:40:00.003-05:00

Steven Delopoulos - The Great Conductor

So one of my friend's facebook status currently reads "fuck trees." What could a tree have possibly done to them to cause this kind of anger?

Also, this story makes me smile. First off, if someone were to make a pipe bomb out of a bike, which would be quite a feat, I feel, I can't imagine that one would then label it as such and leave it in an airport. And whoever is the owner of that bike, kudos to you. Because that's magical.

Oh, and if you're curious as to what "folk-punk" is, here you go.

But Time Makes You Bolder, Children Get Older, I'm Getting Older Too...

2009-02-16T01:00:00.003-05:00

Smashing Pumpkins - Landslide

Why yes, that is a cover of the Fleetwood Mac song. And it's a far better cover than the Dixie Chicks version. Don't argue with me. I love the Pumpkins. I'd say it's better than the original too, but I love Stevie too, and I don't want to hurt her feelings.

So I went to Meijer tonight, and somehow managed to resist buying the 500 jumbo pack of bendy straws for $1.99. And if that doesn't show my good fiscal sense, I don't know what does, because those would provide way more than $1.99 worth of fun.

Granted, I did spend that much on sevaral packs of orange tic-tacs, and those orange tic-tacs are now all in my belly, but nevertheless, I'm proud of myself.

Also, I want a piece of "falling space debris" so bad. How bad? Real real bad.

Oh, and so I was on Amazon.com today, and I discovered that I'm a loser. Well I mean, I always knew I was a loser, but this simply reaffirmed it. "Why," you ask? Well I'll tell you. I take a look at the items that it thinks I might like. As a hip, young college student, what kind of items has it decided I like, based on my past purchases? Let me tell you: Theraputic Exercise: Foundations and Techniques, Physical Rehabilitation, Measurement of Joint Motion: A Guide To Goniometry and Muscles: Testing and Function, With Posture and Pain.

No seasons of Flight of the Conchords? Or books by Vonnegut? Or deluxe editions of Amélie? Damn!

But at least I know they're not quite all-knowing. Because I already own Muscles: Testing and Function, With Posture and Pain!! Suck it Amazon!

Oh! Last but not least. Dear FormerlyEmoFriend, happy birthday.

You Come And Strike Me Down Again, June, June, June...

2009-02-15T19:12:00.000-05:00

Jered Tanner 4 President - June

I like him. And clearly, he'll never be big (judging by the fact that this, the official video, was recorded in his bedroom), and it's not like he's Neil Young, but I do like him.

Anyhoo, so I'm baking a carrot cake for my friend's birthday. Because that's how I roll. Also, that's the kind of cake she requested. However, I've never baked a carrot cake before, so it'll be a wild adventure. So now, for those baking enthusiasts out there, this is the recipe I'm using. If you have any suggestions, or other recipes I should use instead, holla at me, por favor. You're a hero.

So I'm sure you've all heard about the 13 year old who looks like he's about 8 and impregnated his 15 year old girlfriend, which I still find ridiculous. But then something like this comes out, and I kind of smile, because a ridiculous story has chosen to become even more ridiculous. And that makes me happy.

Also, "Watch out: There's danger in your wallet" is quite possibly the most epic headline ever, and whoever wrote it should be given a big enough bonus that he can retire tomorrow. Because, from what I read of the story (very little), it's a pretty dull article. But that headline got me all excited:

"What's in my wallet?! A bomb? A carnivorous scareb, like in The Mummy? A very petite, but very angry monkey? What?!? Tell me Clark Howard! Damn you!"

Mind you, my terror level went down (Orange to Yellow) when I saw the main picture, which didn't give off the vibe that I was about to die. But it wasn't until I got to the word "perplexed" that I really felt safe (Yellow to Blue. No, I didn't make it to Green. I at least have to stay Guarded). Because nobody that's trying to scare you would ever say the word "perplexed." It's true. They proved it.

I Try, I Try, I Try, I Try, I Try, I Try, I Try, I Try, I Try To Make Do With Much More Of Less...

2009-02-13T00:53:00.003-05:00

The Bird And The Bee - I'm A Broken Heart

Can we just go over how much I love wikiHow?

It makes me happy. And not just because it features articles that can help me in my daily life, such as these:

"How To Throw A Spear"

"How To Interpret A Dream Involving Beavers"

"How To Construct A Zipline"

"How to Remove a Stuck Breech Plug (Muzzleloader)"

"How To Discount Pascal's Wager"

"How To Put On Very Tight Jeans" (which is great if only for the warning: "Are you sure you really want to wear jeans that tight?")

No, I love it even more for the occasional article that makes me say, "wow, that's really bad advice." Take this article, for example: "How To Enjoy Toys As A Teenager"

This article is for you teenagers that are a little embarassed by the fact that you like toys, but don't like appearing childish. Well, if you want to still be "hip and cool for your age," try collecting toys! No, it's not for nerdos! It's "a serious pursuit that even adults in their 90s can pursue!" EVEN ADULTS IN THEIR 90s!! If that doesn't say "hip and cool," I just don't know what does.

This Is The End, My Only Friend...

2009-02-12T19:15:00.002-05:00

Delta Spirit - Motivation

So Delta Spirit is my new obsession. I don't know how I haven't found them before, as this song came out at the end of 2006, but there you have it.

But anyhoo, speaking of things that I should have heard before, yay for remixes of Taylor Swift! One of the gymnasts told me that I had to listen to it, and showed me this video, and I love it. And of course if you haven't heard the original version of "Love Story," girl please. Oh, but here it is.

And since I'm on this train of thought, thanks to Robin for showing this magical video to me. It made me happy. If you haven't seen it, I feel as if you have to. The Beatles and Shaggy. It seems so right...

Oh, and we had our 5,000 visitor! Huzzah! This time, the title goes to our fav reader out of Houston, Texas. Hurray!!!

And timeout. Question. Someone in the training room asked me Would You Rather question today, and while the answer seemed to obvious to me, nobody else seemed to agree. I felt like I was in Bizarro World. Here it is:

Would you rather get stabbed in the eye (not through to the brain, simply in the eye), or have someone cut your trachea (windpipe) in half with scissors?

How could anyone prefer option two?? In case you're not totally familiar with the anatomy of your throat, here's a diagram. Look at how deep they would have to go to get all the way through the trachea. How could that be at all better than being stabbed in the eye!? Not stabbed in the brain. Not stabbed in both eyes. Stabbed in the eye.

I don't understand.

So I need your opinion.

Let This Train Wreck Burn More Slowly, Kids Are Victims In This Story...

2009-02-11T12:26:00.002-05:00

Blink-182 - Anthem, Pt.2

This is the last one. Probably.

First off. Why Brett why?!? So sad.

Second, let's take a trip back to my previous post. Ignoring Rachel (sorry, it makes me giggle more if it's just a regular comb), TallRoommate and I were discussing how great it would be to show up at that mother's place of business, hand her a comb, say, "this is for your daughter," and then walk out.

I know I'd smile at least.

Approaching Falling Tensions, Betray My Short Attention Span The Distance, Bridge The Border, Beg Forgiveness, Round The Corner...

2009-02-10T11:45:00.002-05:00

Blink-182 - Everytime I Look For You

Yup, it's another Blink song. THAT'S HOW EXCITED I AM!

I can't help it. I've been listening to nothing but Blink for days. Pop punk is coming back! AHHH! SO EXCITED! Bowling For Soup, Good Charlotte, Green Day, Sum 41 and New Found Glory all have new albums coming out this year. I could just poo. I realize that pop punk isn't what one would generally characterize as "good music," and yes, I pride myself on having good taste in music. But you know what? That good taste includes pop punk, and I'm okay with it.

Now all we need is for Student Rick to get back together and put out a new album, and all will be right with the world. Because I love that song, and that video.

Anyhoo. Let's take a stop by CNN.com, and see what kind of unnecessary articles they have for us today. Oh hello there! "Girl Scout cookie-pushing ethics at the office." Nice to make your acquaintance!

Yes, this article is stupid, but I'd like to draw your attention to one line: "If her daughter had sold 100 boxes of cookies, she would have won a hair comb, which Richardson said her daughter wants desperately."

Your daughter wants to sell cookies so that she can get a comb? For real? Just buy the girl a god damn comb! It's a comb! Why do you have something against her keeping her hair free of knots and snarls?

It's the "desperately" that really gets me. She wants nothing more in life than to have pretty, tangle-free hair, like the other girls...

"But if not, her daughter will know to work harder next time." Next year, little girl, next year you can comb your hair. You just have to work a litle harder!

Don't Depend On Me To Ever Follow Through On Anything, But I'd Go Through Hell For You...

2009-02-10T01:47:00.002-05:00

Blink-182 - Going Away To College

I don't know how I forgot to talk about this, as it has made me the happiest boy alive.

I Don't Wanna Pay, I Don't Wanna Pay, I Don't Wanna Pay For Another Day...

2009-02-09T00:03:00.001-05:00

25 - Underground Railroad

You see? This is why Rihanna should be dating me! Yes, while I'll eventually have to leave her for Regina Spektor, I can promise that I'll never be in the wrong in a domestic violence incident. How can I promise that? Well you see, I doubt I have the physical ability to harm anyone. Yes, I'm 6'5", but I'm also 162 pounds, almost none of which is muscle.

I'll try and hurt someone, and they'll confusedly hug me, thinking that's what I'm going for. Or perhaps they'll laugh, thinking I was trying to high-five them and simply missed.

Basically, I'm not all that intimidating. Hence, Rihanna, I'm single.

Also, can we just go over that the Grammy's were baller. I didn't see very much of them, as I was at my water polo game, but when I got back, I turned on the TV, and Neil Diamond was on. I loved it.

And yay for Adele. Good shit girl. I was so proud. And can I just say, thank god Kid Rock didn't win Best Male Pop Vocal Performance for the atrocity that is "All Summer Long."

I've also decided that Rick Rubin shouldn't be allowed to be nominated for Producer Of The Year anymore. He's too good.

I'm also glad that I don't have to lose all faith in the music industry, aka the Jonas Brothers didn't win anything. Thank god.

And If You Should Pass The James Hotel, Please Stop In, For I Knew You Well. But That Was Oh So Long Ago, And I Never Learned How To Let Go...

2009-02-07T21:56:00.000-05:00

Two Gallants - Some Steady Rest

So this song is the best feel-better song ever written. Anytime I'm sad, it's my number one song. It's a terribly sad song, and I guess it doesn't make me happy, per se, but it makes me feel better. I don't know how that works, but it does. The harmonica at the end is heartbreaking, and it always helps me.

It's a bit of a time commitment, mind you, as it's a nine minute song, but if you have a spare nine minutes, listen to it.

Anyhoo. I forgot to tell all of you. I'm getting new socks! In the mail!

This is how it went down.

So I was in the training room before our gymnastics meet on Friday, and I'm talking to one of the girls from another team, and she's wearing rad socks, so I tell her how bomb her socks are, and we chat about them for a minute, and I inform her that during the meet, I'm going to go into the lockerroom and steal them.

She didn't believe me. And with good reason, I suppose, as I didn't actually do it. Damn.

But then after the meet, she comes up to me and says, "so I'm still wearing my socks..."

"Yeah, about that. I decided I liked you too much to steal them."

"That's nice."

"So how can I get some of my own? Without stealing yours, that is."

"Well I bought them at this little store...I could mail you some?"

"Yes! That's magical!"

"So...I should mail them...to the arena?"

"I mean, I guess that could work? Or you could mail them to my apartment of course."

So I wrote down my name and address, and she pinkie promised that she would mail me some. Normally, if a stranger told me they were going to mail me socks, I wouldn't believe them. But I mean, she pinkie promised. She can't go back on that.

And I'm excited.

Can't Keep Quiet About The Way I Feel. Why Should I, When You Just Don't Shut Up...

2009-02-07T15:29:00.004-05:00

The Blakes - Commit

Padre, I think there's a very real possibility you'd like the Blakes. I don't know for sure. But possibly.

Anyhoo. I think that I might cry. I love James Whitmore.

Without him, the phrase "easy peasy japanesy" would never exit my lips, because I never would have thought of it.

Also, timeout. He was a monkey in Planet of the Apes?!? Who knew?!

But I won't lie to you, the end of this article did make me laugh. I love the way that they finished by essentially saying "but all this information came from IMDB, so if you don't agree, don't blame CNN! Blame IMDB!" That's how we do.

And If You Tell Me Yours, I'll Tell You Mine...

2009-02-06T13:03:00.007-05:00

Missy Higgins - Don't Ever

This is the best version of this song, live or in the studio. By far. And you should seriously watch it. For real. I like a singer that can be awesome without taking herself to seriously. Plus, if Bruce Springsteen taught me anything, the glockenspiel is a baller instrument.

Anyhoo. I forgot to mention. ShortRoommate's toast to me that he gave for his public speaking class featured the line, "he puts the wow in ShamWow." I almost cried.

When It's So Dark, I Can See The Light Shining Through You...

2009-02-06T11:23:00.002-05:00

Said The Whale - The Light Is You

I love Said The Whale. And this song is only 2:00 long, so you have no excuse to not listen to it.

So I don't think I approve of Michael Phelps being suspended. It's not that I'm his biggest fan. It's more that this is just stupid. One, it was at a party. It's not like he was out in public getting high. Two, it was in November. He wasn't in training. Three, it's just a picture. He just got unlucky, and was partying with people that he didn't know personally, but that (obviously) knew who he was, and took pictures of him. And that just sucks.

Granted, he's an idiot. If he's going to be smoke at a party where there's people that he doesn't know, at least smoke a blunt or out of a hookah, so he can lie and say it's a rolled cigarette or that he's just smoking tobacco out of the hookah. It's harder to lie about a bong.

And saying that it's because of "the hundreds of thousands of USA Swimming-member kids who look up to him as a role model and a hero" is a stupid argument. If Michael Phelps is actually these kids' hero, they're not going to suddenly turn their back on him for smoking pot. That's ridiculous. And if anything, suspending him, and making it seem worse is only going to make them think even less of him.

Anyhoo. I need you to tell me if this is weird, slash if it ever happens to you. So I had a dream where one of my friends stole an extension cord from me. I saw her in class today, and I was kind of pissed at her. I couldn't help it. Dream Her stole my extension cord! How did she expect me to plug things in?!

I don't care if it wasn't actually her, and it was just my subconscious being crazy. I blame her.

Thought I Was On My Way, But I Was Missing You...

2009-02-05T09:31:00.005-05:00

The Rocket Summer - I Was So Alone

I can't help it, I really like The Rocket Summer. True story.

So I have roughly 8 and a half hours left to learn how to do physics before my exam. I'm pumped. It's game time. A stranger at the Union explained several concepts to me last night that I thought I understood, but as it turns out, I totally did not. Thank god for bored engineers.

Oh, and just in case any of you guys missed this, I'm terrified. I don't care what those scientists say, at least one of those snakes is still out there. And I don't like that. Because, as they point out, this snake is even bigger than "the snake that tried to eat Jennifer Lopez in the movie 'Anaconda.'" Yeah. That big.

And look at that picture. "An artist's rendering?" For real real? Not for play play? Seems that really they're just trying to quell the public's fears, and it's actually a real picture. Don't lie to me CNN. I'm on to you.

Oh. And there was an ad on my screen for JustMommies.com, which said it could give tips for getting pregnant faster. I'm going to go ahead and say that that's the least effective advertisement I've ever seen. Because my immediate reaction was "why would anyone ever want that?!" I feel as if that's about the opposite of what I'm going for.

Wishing That I Could Steal Your Heart Away...

2009-02-03T11:47:00.003-05:00

Buddy Holly - Wishing

Oh Richie, Buddy, and Big...

Anyhoo. So TallRoommate, ShortRoommate and I went out to Denny's this morning, and it was magical. We got there just before 6, and we had to wait just a few minutes to get seated, but by 6:15, every table was filled, and there were easily 100 people waiting outside. It was glorious.

And don't worry, as much as ShortRoommate, the crotchety boy that he is, insisted that we don't need to tip ("20% of zero is zero!"), we did. Shaun, our poor waiter, seemed terribly frazzled, and we liked him.

Oh, and speaking of ShortRoommate. So he had to write a speech about one of his heroes. It got to be last night, and he had yet to write his speech, so it was decided that I was his hero, and the speech would be about me. He'll be delivering it either today or tomorrow, and I'm super pumped to hear it. I hope I sound like a baller.

You'll Find Me Standing In Your Path, Somewhere Deep In The Background Of Some Photograph, And You'll See Your Name Scrawled Across The Overpass...

2009-02-02T23:01:00.001-05:00

The Solids - Across the Overpass

24 is just too good. Truth.

Anyhoo, ShortRoommate, TallRoommate and I are heading out at 5:30 tomorrow morning, as Denny's is giving away free grand slams from 6:00 am to 2:00 pm. I'm terribly excited. It's going to be magical.

But here, check out the Denny's website, and read the fine print at the bottom. Those poor people in Baker, CA and Las Cruces, NM. You know that the store managers are just selfish bastards, and refuse to give away free food. Damn them.

So SR, TR and I also had quite the night on Craig's List. We made an interesting discovery. Apparently, a desk is actually just any flat surface, including folding tables (exhibit A, exhibit B).

Also, we bought a grandfather clock for $75. No big deal. We're picking it up Saturday morning. And it's going to be epic. Feel free to be jealous.

Not Sticking Together, Not Sticking Together...

2009-02-02T00:02:00.002-05:00

One Mississippi - Not Stick Together

Dear FavoriteUConnStudent,

Don't sass me. Bruce was magical. And you know it. Ima slap you.

Loves!

I'm Running On The Bad Side, And I Got My Back To The Wall, Tenth Avenue Freeze Out...

2009-02-01T22:56:00.001-05:00

Bruce Springsteen - Tenth Avenue Freeze Out

I clearly had to do a Bruce song in honor of his epic halftime performance at the Super Bowl tonight. Here's the YouTube clip (part 1, part 2), just in case you missed it. Also, there's a few moments I'd like us to revisit, again, in case you missed them.

First, let's look at 0:27 in the first clip, where we learn that The Boss is clearly too manly and badass to throw guitars. Apparently, he's either not aware of his own strength, or he's okay with making people fall over. Since I've heard he's a super nice guy, I'm assuming it's the first.

Second, let's look at the 2:47 point in the second clip. Yes. That's right. Clarence Clemons, the Big Man, saxaphone extroardinare, playing the cowbell with a huge goofy grin on his face. Priceless. Also, sidenote, I looked at the Wikipedia page about Mr. Clemons, in an attempt to figure out how tall he is (undetermined), and can we just look at the picture that they decided to have as the main image on the page? Is this really what they think is the best representation of this man? For real real?

Anyhoo. Congratulations to the Steelers. In all honesty, I don't mean that. I'm pissed. I was counting on the Cardinals.

You might ask me, "why? Why were you counting on the Cardinals?" Well I'll tell you. The Cardinals gave me hope! Hope for my Lions! Because if the Arizona Cardinals could have risen from the official Laughingstock Of The NFL to Super Bowl Champions, then so could the Detroit Lions. Granted, I still know, deep in my heart, that the Lions can do it, but this would have been great for morale nevertheless.

Damnation.

You Like Long Hair, And I've Got It To The Chin...

2009-02-01T11:49:00.003-05:00

The Donkeys - Come On Virginia

First off, I think we can all agree that this song refutes my Madre's theory that you can't be in a band these days who's name is "The (blanks)." Bam.

Anyhoo, this is the conversation I had, via text, with my amiga. And this is why I love drunk people.

Amiga: "hey whats up?"

Me: "i mean, not too much. you?"

A: "same same. what are you doing?"

M: "sitting on my badunk. im being lame tonight."

A: "Haha your too funny i love ou what are you too funny what are you too funny"

M: "smoking crack. texting. the usual."

A: "you are tom funny Haha what are you doing"

It was at this point that I realized that I could legitimately send the exact same text over and over again, and she would have no idea. Thus, it commences.

M: "whats up? too funny."

A: "Nothing nothing what are you doing youre too funny"

M: "whats up? too funny."

A: "Not much you"

M: "whats up? too funny."

A: "Haga just bot back to o x place just sobering up a bit thankfully i was a bit belig"

M: "whats up? too funny."

A: "Not much about to go to bed"

M: "whats up? too funny."

A: "Haha good news Haha"

M: "whats up? too funny."

A: "Too funny. He owes me money."

M: "maybe you should go to sleep."

A: "hey! whats up?"

M: "i love you, but really, i think you should go sleep."

A: "i love you too! what did yuo do tonit"

I stopped texting at this point. It was making me too happy. Also, thank god for unlimited texts. I'm putting them to good use.

And I Wonder, Were You Scared When The Metal Hit The Glass? See I Was Playing A Show Down The Road...

2009-01-31T12:09:00.000-05:00

The Gaslight Anthem - The '59 Sound

So my last night was not as amazing as my favorite UnfortunateSteelersFan's noche (which apparently consisted solely of Monk and Scrabble, and I'm incredibly jealous), but it was still fairly baller. Here's how it went down.

So first off, I finished my Physics homework, and I did 11 of the 15 ON MY OWN. No big deal. I needed TallRoommate to help me with the last four, but I mean, I still felt pretty accomplished.

But because I was doing Physics, it meant I didn't end up going out until 11:45 or so, but when I got to my party, I met the coolest person of my life. Okay, not as cool as FavoriteSister. I'll start over. So I got to my party, and I met the second coolest person of my life.

I'm pretty certain we're destined to be the greatest of friends. I woke up this morning, and she had texted me the phrase "poop on a stick." I giggled so hard. Because you see, I text or IM that to people all the time. It's hilarious to me.

Then, when I walked home this morning, I came home to a few of my friends from high school sitting on my couch, flanked on either side by a case of Natty Light and a giant tub of pretzals, watching Big Daddy. I don't think it would have been possible for me to be happier.

So that's where I am, on GayRoommate's computer, watching Big Daddy, waiting until I leave for my gymnastics meet. Goodness, I'm incredibly lame, and I like it.

I Can See The Warning Signs Ahead Of Me...

2009-01-30T10:22:00.003-05:00

The Mommyheads - Help Me

There are times in my life when I say to myself, "wow, I learn new things about myself all the time!"

One of those times was today.

In class today, we talked about gait analysis. It was decided that I would be the guinea pig, no doubt because of my dashing good looks (why yes, I do enjoy lying to myself).

This was just some of the class discussion as I walked back and forth:

"Look at his hips swing! It's like he thinks he's a model!"

"A not very good model..."

"You were a runner? I don't see how it was physically possible."

"Yeah, it's like his ankles don't bend up at all. No wonder he looks so weird when he walks."

"Do you think he even can bend his ankles? Hey, try and bend your ankles up!"

"Oh my god, they barely bend up at all. Are you sure you were a runner?"

"This explains why you kept breaking and going on crutches. Didn't anyone ever teach you how to walk right when you were little?"

So there you have it. I'm a physiological phenomenon. It's apparently a wonder that I manage to walk at all, let alone run. I mean, I knew I had an awkward body. That's what happens when you're 6'5" and weigh 162 pounds. But I had no idea that it was this strange. My prof was in awe of me.

But I do take comfort in the fact that nobody noticed it until I took my shoes off, took my pants off (it was hot), and had people study my legs for 10 minutes. So at least strangers on the street aren't horrified by my gait. At least I hope not.

Everyone's Unhappy, Everyone's Ashamed. Well We All Just Got Caught Looking At Somebody Else's Page...

2009-01-29T01:23:00.003-05:00

Modest Mouse - Missed The Boat

I can't help it, this song is too god damn catchy.

Anyhoo.

I meant to say! We had our 4,500 visitor! Several days ago, actually, and I forgot to report it.

Anyhoo, congratulations to an unknown reader out of Grand Rapids, MI!!! I know there's several of you, so I don't know who it was, so congratulations to all of you!!

They narrowly beat out our favorite reader out of Downers Grove, Illinois, which, besides being the most depressing name for a town ever, also apparently has some history to it. Are you ready? Because here it comes. Thank you Wikipedia.

As of the 2000 census, the population was 48,724, and for every 100 females 18 or older, there were only 87.7 males. And don't worry, I'm fairly certain they simply found a percentage, and there's not actually seven tenths of men walking around all over the town.

Downers Grove features the Downers Grove Golf Course (most creative name ever? yes), which is the largest golf course west of the Allegheny Mountains.

Local high schools Hinsdale Central High School and Downers Grove North High School battle it out every year in football for the Old Oaken Bucket, a trophy name skillfully stolen from the trophy awarded to the winner of the football game between Purdue and Indiana.

Oh! And waste water is treated by the Downers Grove Sanitary District!!

And this one is info is from their official website: whilst the town has but ONE talent agency, and just ONE bakery (Ingram's Busy Bee Bakery), they have a full compliment of EIGHTEEN catering companies. EIGHTEEN!! Does that make sense, and I'm just an idiot? Perhaps.

It's A Giant Among Clichés, And That's Why I Want You To Sing It Anyway...

2009-01-28T01:20:00.002-05:00

Andrew Bird - The Happy Birthday Song

Happy birthday to Rachel! Hurray! Hurray!!! HURRAY!!!!!

Been Workin' All Day In The Hot Hot Sun...

2009-01-27T22:50:00.003-05:00

Pat the White - Promised Land

Now this is a live version of the song, because it's all that I could find, but you should absolutely listen to it. It features some of the sexiest guitar riffs of all time. And I'm sure there's at least a few of you out there saying to yourselves, "guitar riffs can't be sexy." Well you're wrong.

Anyhoo.

So someone wrote this on my Facebook today:

"i had a dream that you asked me to play laser tag with you in a university building after it was closed and you assured me we wouldn't get in trouble and i trusted you and we got caught and expelled from the university.
i think that makes us even for all the spilt chow moo."

It made me incredibly happy.

And in case you're wondering what the last sentence means, here's the story. So when she says "chow moo," what she really means is "cho moo," and she just doesn't know how to spell. And cho moo, of course, is chocolate milk, my second favorite beverage of all time (just behind Mr. Pibb, which when consumed along with Red Vines = crazy delicious, so I hear).

Anyhoo, several months ago, this girl was at a party at my apartment, and somehow managed to take a header into the coffee table, and in the process of falling, smashed the table. Like, beyond repair. It's gone.

This is all well and good, except that for about a month, I kept forgetting that the table was gone. So I'd be sitting at my couch, watching Game Show Network, drinking my cho moo, and I'd go to put my my delicious beverage on the coffee table. I'd set it down, only to hear it go crashing to the ground, at which point I would remember that I didn't have a coffee table, and I had just set my cho moo down on air.

This happened several times.

Naturally, I blamed this girl for my lost cho moo. She felt badly (victory!), and proceeded to buy me a gallon of it, but I've yet to fully forgive her. In all honesty, I forgave her long ago. I can't believe that she's actually okay with taking responsibility for me being an idiot, and dropping gallons of milk at random all over my living room. But she is still under the impression that I'm upset with her, and I guess I'll just keep rolling with it.

Maybe I'll get some more cho moo out of her. Not out of her per se, more that she'll purchase me some more from the store. Eww.

It's Been A Couple Of Days, And A Real Dark Night...

2009-01-27T12:38:00.003-05:00

Raphael Saadiq - Big Easy

Let's just quick go over the fact that I just made an allusion to the show Recess in my essay. What's that? You feel an A? Me too.

And I Want To Be With You, And Always Will, Until I Die...

2009-01-26T22:34:00.000-05:00

Ben Kweller - Until I Die

So basically, 24 is ruining my life. The episode finished, and I just stared at the TV. "I don't understand!" I screamed. "Are they just going to follow them? And hope that they can somehow break in and steal the CIP device?!? That doesn't make sense to me!"

Also, Chloe needs to be in the show more. She's socially awkward, and I think that she's the only person on the show that could possibly resemble a real person. She's adorable, and I love her.

So I'm at gymnastics today, and listening to the mix CD that was playing that day, and at one point, I realized that I was singing, outloud, to the song "Love Story" by Taylor Swift. Now as you may recall, I have a bit of an obsession with this song, but that generally doesn't involve me singing it outloud in public. Embarassing.

Because I don't know how the rest of the world feels about this song. I know that all of my roommates make fun of me for loving it (yes, even the gay one), and most of my friends don't approve of it. But with a group of female gymnasts, I might be okay? I don't know.

Also, this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I mean, for real?

All The Ducks Are Swimming In The Water...

2009-01-25T11:48:00.003-05:00

Lemon Jelly - Nice Weather For Ducks

Dear every person reading this. You need to watch this video. All of it. NEED to. It's basically the happiest video/song ever created. Its just under four minutes long, and you have no excuse for not watching it. Thus, watch it. That is all.

Anyhoo, so last night, I had a magical adventure. It wasn't really an adventure, per se, but I enjoyed it. It was pretty adorable. Not on my part, mind you, but on this stranger's part.

So.

I walked my friend back to her house after we left this party, and after I dropped her off, I started to walk back to the party. It was a 25 minute walk or so, and I get bored easily, so I was people watching as I walked. Then I saw this guy and girl talking on a street corner.

Girl: "No, I don't want you to walk me back. I just met you, I don't know you at all, I'll just walk myself."

Guy: "Come on, you know me, let's go."

Girl: "No, get away from me."

That was my cue.

So I walk up to the girl and I'm all "Hey! How are you?"

And she looks at me all confused, understandably. So I say "Oh, are you going home? I could walk you if you want?"

We look at eachother for a second, and then she smiles a little and goes "yeah, that'd be great."

So we start to walk, leaving creeper boy in our dust, and after we've been walking for a minute, she looks at me and says "Oh, right, sorry, I'm Emily by the way. And thanks for that. He was creepy, and then you came along, and you seemed trustworthy, so thanks."

I giggled.

Now the real question is, what made me, a total stranger walking down the street by myself at 2 in the morning seem like a trustworthy character, while this boy was a rapist? I don't know, but I guess I'm okay with it.

So I don't know her last name (she told me, but I forgot it), I don't have her number, and I'll never see her again, but she made my night happier, so it's cool.

The Title Held By Me, MIB, Means What You Think You Saw You Did Not See...

2009-01-24T00:23:00.002-05:00

Forever The Sickest Kids - Men In Black

Why do I love albums like Punk Goes Crunk? Because they provide me with things like this, awkward covers of Will Smith songs.

So tonight a large group of us watched one of my all time favorite movies, Green Street Hooligans, in honor of the fact that a sequel is coming out soon. And let me tell you, it was just as good this time as it ever was. Not as glorious as Rocky, but glorious nevertheless.

And my friends have tend to become a bit wary when I praise movies as being super magical. If I say a movie is really good, they generally assume that it is indeed really good, but if I say that it's super epic, they start to worry that it actually sucks. This all stems from the fact that all of my friends hated the movie Lars and the Real Girl, which I insisted to them was the best movie of 2007 (because it was).

But either way, everybody liked Hooligans, and the movie inspired me to write a haiku:

British accents make
even unattractive men
seem more appealing

It applied to the men of 2005, and I think it rings true today.

She Opened Up And Laid It All Right There, She Said, "I Don't Mind, No, No I Don't Care. I'll Help You Shovel Out My Shallow Hole..."

2009-01-22T11:38:00.001-05:00

Tilly And The Wall - Coughing Colors

This is by far my favorite Tilly and the Wall song. It's not at all their normal genre of music (aka it's not super upbeat and happy), but I think it's a beautiful song, and it goes perfectly in my depressing music playlist, which I've been owning for the past week. He might not have the best voice, but I think it works well for this song. And I love it.

Anyhoo, I had a major blast from the past today. Wait for it. So my sophomore year of high school, in English class, my friend and I came up with the best business plan ever. We decided to start our own chain of stores. Of course, we realized that it would start out as a single store, but soon, it would turn into thousands.

Here's the store. It's called Pants 'n Porn. Inside the store you'd find, yup, you guessed it, a huge god damn crowd of people, because it'd be so popular. But once you fought your way through the mass of humanity, you'd find both pants and ('n) porn.

Because think about it. You love shopping for pants. And you may not have shopped for porn before, but the idea has always intrigued you a little at least. Admit it. That's right.

So why not put these two magical items together?! In one store! Pants 'n Porn! I know, it's brilliant. Yes, I understand that for our first few weeks of existance, our clientele would consist mostly of creepy old men with denim fetishes, but once the rest of the community became more aware of us, it would only be a matter of time before our empire would grow.

Of course, as we grew, we'd expand our selection a bit (suspenders, overalls, edible underwear), but we'd always stay true to our core mission.

So if one day, you're driving down the street, and you see a bright neon sign that says Pants 'n Porn (of course we use neon signs, exclusively. They're badass), I want a single tear to come to your eye, and for you to pump your fist and say "he did it!" Thank you.

I Could Stay Here, Become Someone Different. I Could Stay Here, Become Someone Better...

2009-01-22T09:40:00.002-05:00

Cat Power - Colors And The Kids

So can we just quickly go over that the Oscar nominations this year are bullshit.

First off, how did The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button get 13 nominations? I liked this movie. I liked it a lot. But I didn't like it 13 Oscars worth.

And then, with a couple glaring exceptions, it's basically the Golden Globes 2.0. These exceptions, of course, are Kate Winslet not being nominated for Best Supporting Actress, and Bruce Springsteen not being nominated for Best Original Song, after both of these won the Golden Globe. That's upsetting to me.

And then I was saying to myself, "boy, I hope Milk does better at the Oscars than it did at the Golden Globes." But then I thought about it. Well it won't win Best Picture, or Actor, or Supporting Actor, and I can't imagine them giving it Director. So maybe it'll win one of the loser ones (Editing, Costume Design, Musical Score). But I'm feeling as if it can win Writing (Original Screenplay). Wait for it.

Her Soul Burned Black With Coal And Grease...

2009-01-21T00:35:00.000-05:00

Bruce Peninsula - 2nd 4th World War

I've decided I really like Bruce Peninsula, and that they're great to study too. And this song is one of my favs, but so is "Shutters," so here's a link to that one too.

So I haven't posted in a couple days. I've been a little distracted, but I'm back on top of it now. I can only assume you were terribly worried.

Also, can we quickly go over that this is the greatest shit of my life? While I don't really see a big reason to remember John McCain, as this woman insists we need to do, this does make me laugh. Also, tell me that the girl who starts talking at 1:00 doesn't look exactly like Kirsten Dunst.

And timeout. Wait for it. Guess who now owns an apple cozy. That's right! It's me! My friend knitted it for me, and and I can put my apple in it, put it in my backpack, and it won't get all bruised. It's teal (which has slowly become my favorite color, for real) and has a big white button. I love it. It's basically magical.

Last point of the day, Pink and Carey are back together, and I couldn't be more excited. I don't care if they got a divorce, they're still perfect for eachother. Truth. Don't argue.

How About Some Credit Now, Where Credit Is Due, For Damage That Was Done...

2009-01-18T13:24:00.000-05:00

Andrew Bird - Heretics

So guess whos going to go see Andrew Bird in concert. Come on, guess. That's right! It's me!!!! Guess who's excited. Please? Right again!!! Me!!!!

So I was talking to JewishFormerRoommate today, and I say to him, "so what are you doing today? You know, other than eating bagels?"

So he busts out laughing and says, "holy shit, I just got back from the bakery. I'm holding a bag of bagels as we speak. Please tell me that you're eating ham."

Conveniently..."well I'm currently frying bacon."

It was a magical moment in Jewish/Gentile relationships and stereotyping. It was glorious.

We went on to discuss other activies that I could partake in, so as to live up to my Gentile heritage:

"hunting"
"ice fishing"
"smoking buddah"
"pounding brews"
"beating up strangers"
"living the dream"
"participating in any form of athletics"
"driving a pick-up truck"
"listening to Bruce Springsteen" (I was all over that one)

I best get started.

And As I Finally Tried To Speak, Twelve Birds Flew Straightaways From My Mouth...

2009-01-16T00:35:00.003-05:00

Blitzen Trapper - Sleepy Time In The Western World

NOOOOOOOOO!!!! Say it ain't so! It can't be!!! Boy George, you were my hero! And now...this?!? Damn you! But don't you fret. I'll listen to every song on Colour By Numbers every day until you're freed from this purgatory of the state.

Also, this is stupid. Yes, these kids are idiots. They should know that if they send naked pictures of themselves to other people, that they will be seen by people other than for whom they were intended. But I don't think that this should be a legal issue, let alone a child pornography issue. That's ridiculous. This guy is saying how "yes, they should be punished," which I agree with, but punished by their parents. This is not a state issue.

And then the next woman saying that they have to charge them with child pornography because it's all they can think of to charge them with? Well maybe that should tell you that it's not something that should be dealt with by the courts. And when she goes on to say that they're trying to "send a message to all teens," that just upsets me. These girls are 14 and 15, and you're going to come down on them as hard as you can to make an example of them? That's ridiculous.

But I'm done with you CNN, you've upset me enough for the day.

But anyhoo, so next weekend, I'm going to be doing this bike ride who's whole schtick is that it happens when the weather is at the absolute worst of the year. I'm super excited. I haven't ridden my bike in a while, but it should be good. I'm pumped.

Naturally, I don't actually have my bike, so I'm having my Madre and Padre bring it to me next weekend, the day before the ride. Because I'm apparently pro at planning things. So I won't really have a chance to get back into biking mode, but I figure I'll be okay.

So they have rides that are 6, 12, 20-25, and 40 miles long, and my friend I think is planning on the 20-25 ride, but I'm working on convincing him that we need to do the 40. How baller would that be?? So baller. I'm so so excited. I could just poo.

Oh, and we have our first gymnastics meet today. I'm pretty sure it's going to be magical. As gymnastics its an incredibly elitest sport (take that equestrian), I'm supposed to dress up (aka I need to find a tie and sport coat). This is different from every other sport here, where the athletic trainers are expected to wear khakis and a polo. No no no, gymnastics is too baller, and we're going to look classy. I'm actually kind of excited. I like getting dressed up, and I do it so rarely (a la my usual atire of homemade pj pants and t-shirts I've been wearing since the fifth grade). So it should be good.

And just a reminder, if you haven't suggested Jaimee Harris, I feel as if you should. Again, it takes less than ten seconds. You're a hero.

Happens All The Time To Everyone We Know...

2009-01-15T11:51:00.000-05:00

Thunder Power - Why Don't You Go Take A Hike

So last night, I was talking to someone at the library, and she said to me, "I feel as if I'm wasted." Naturally, I assume they're making a reference to the song "Happy Ending" by MIKA (that's a link to a different video, because it has the whole song. Here's the actual video, but with the shortened, single version of the song), one of my fav songs, and not just because it lends itself to magical a capella versions, including this one by Amazin' Blue. Though all a capella songs will always lack a little something to me, as none of them will ever live up the a capella version of Dr. Dre's "Bitches Ain't Shit."

So anyhoo, I start singing MIKA, and yes, I totally assumed I could hit that note (I couldn't).

She had no idea what I was singing.

And this confused me, because "I feel as if I'm wasted" seems like a strange phrase to say. I mean, if she said something like "I feel wasted," then that would sound normal. But "I feel as if I'm wasted," well that doesn't sound like something that one would ever actually say. Hence, I assumed she was being MIKAtastic.

But no, I just looked like an idiot. Good thing that tends to happen, so I'm totally used to it.

Twilight Omens In My Life, Then I Hear Your Name...

2009-01-14T13:18:00.003-05:00

Franz Ferdinand - Twilight Omens

First off, if you watch this video, you'll probably be in the first hundred people or so to do so, because it was added to YouTube less than an hour ago. What magical timing.

Anyhoo, I don't like this. Let's imagine you're a high school senior, and you're having sex with your Calculus teacher? For me, that'd be even more strange, as my teacher my Senior year of high school was a bitter old nun. But I loved her so...

Also, I ask you all for help. If you would, and this takes legitimately under ten (10) seconds, go to this website and suggest Jaimee Harris. You're a hero.

And So It Goes, And So It Goes, And So Will You Soon I Suppose...

2009-01-13T22:01:00.005-05:00

Billy Joel - And So It Goes

Can we just take a quick second to talk about how intensely awkward it was for a brief moment when Ryan Seacrest went to high-five the blind man on American Idol? Thank God he's a smooth fellow, and he fixed the situation ("I'm giving you a high-five...and congratulations"). Because it could have been bad.

I Will Never Forgive You For What You Put Us Kids Through...

2009-01-13T12:26:00.005-05:00

Jenny Lewis - Bad Man's World

I love Jenny Lewis, and I'm a fan of this song. And Madre, I feel as if you would like her too, and you should listen to her. Let me know what you think. This is a live version, but if you want the actual MP3's, I can always send them to you.

Anyhoo, I had a revelation today. I decided that I hate people.

I, of course, came to this conclusion after looking at the cooking directions for my Stouffer's French Bread Pizza, which included the instruction, "Remove pizza from box and plastic bag." Oh really? I don't just put the whole box in?

And you see, this uset me because you know that instruction wasn't there when they first produced these pizzas, but then someone was an idiot, and put the whole box in the oven, and then sued the company.

My hate was only increased about an hour later when GayRoommate and I were looking at the back of his box of Simply Sleep, a sleeping medication. Naturally, one of the warnings written on it was that it "may cause drowsiness." I belive that the phrase he used was, "well it better cause drowsiness, or else I'm returning this shit!"

But again, I can only assume that they were worried about idiots taking it, getting tired, and suing the company.

Thus, I've decided that we propose an Idiot Law, in which whenever someone is suing a company, and the rest of the world is aware that this person is an idiot (i.e. Liebeck v. McDonalds), the plaintiff would be sent to jail instead, as they have no business being in the real world. I think it'll catch on.

This Place That Is My Home I Cannot Stay, My Only Faith's In The Broken Bones And Bruises I Display...

2009-01-12T22:04:00.002-05:00

Bruce Springsteen - The Wrestler

I felt I should use this song, due to Bruce's recent success at the Golden Globes.

Also, can we quick go over that Kate Winslet is back with a vengance? I mean, winning both Best Actress and Best Supporting Actress? That's so baller.

But really, all I wanted to talk about was the fact that I've decided I'm in love with 24. Now this poses a little bit of a problem. ShortRoommate loves it more than anything in the world, and I've spent the past four months ridiculing him for this. Alas, it turns out I love the show, thus teaching me again not to rip on things without actually having any experience with them.

But I'm far too stubborn to concede, so this is my new point of view: yes, while this season is indeed baller, every season leading up to this season has been awful. I chose to start watching now, because I had a gut feeling that it was finally going to be good.

I think it's going to work.

I Can't Stand It No More, So Don't You Put Me Down...

2009-01-11T13:01:00.003-05:00

The Sacred Sailors - I Can't Stand It

So we had our 4,000th visitor. This time, the title went to one of our Grand Rapids, MI readers. I knew you could do it, and I'm ever so proud.

So I need you to tell me if this is weird. I don't think it is, but it was pointed out to me that it is, so I don't know what to think. I'm at this party last night (that's not the weird part, wait for it). So I'm chatting with my amiga (keep waiting), and someone pointed out that my friend and I were standing under mistletoe (as this was a post-Christmas Christmas party). So we kissed, which prompted this helpful stranger to complain that it wasn't a hot enough kiss. So we made out a little bit.

We're not dating, and we don't hook up or anything, it was just a friendly make out sesh. That's not weird, correct? I don't know, but if anyone has any idea, that would be magical. You're a hero. You're all heroes.

Oh, and I'm fairly certain I have turf toe. Here's how it went down. So I was standing on my tip toes, playing with the sparkles on the ceiling (it made sense when I was doing it), and someone jumped on my back. I kind of went forward a little, and it didn't really hurt at the time, but then about an hour later, it was killing me to walk, and now this morning my MTP joint is swollen and gross.

Granted, that's not really how turf toe would present. I mean, yeah, that would work as a mechanism of injury, and at this point it seems like turf toe, but I don't understand why it didn't hurt right away.

I suppose something else could have caused it, but that's all I can think of.

But on the upside, playing with the sparkles was super fun. Plus, people put them in my hair, I was glittertastic, and it was sexy. Fo sho.

But Mama, Can You Hear Me? As I Dragged On My Day's Last Cigarette...

2009-01-10T17:49:00.002-05:00

Kathleen Edwards - Alicia Ross

Okay, this is a really pretty song, and if you have five minutes, listen to it. This whole album is really good, and if you want it, let me know.

So let me just point out that, as much as I love this video, and I was dying laughing, I think it's funny that it's a "Breaking News Video."

And I Know Something, Something About You...

2009-01-10T17:17:00.002-05:00

Marcy Playground - A Cloak of Elvenkind

Why yes, this is indeed the same Marcy Playground that sings "Sex and Candy." But I can't help it, I love this whole album. Truth.

So as I previously mentioned, I was a lame-o last night. But I'm okay with it. So my friend came over and we watched Sex and the City, and then we decided it was incredibly warm in our apartment, and we went outside. It was there that I had the most awkward encounter of my life.

I don't know why it was so awkward, but it was a kid that I haven't seen since last year, and hadn't communicated with at all, and it was incredibly awkward. And really, there's plenty of people that I've seen this year that I haven't talked to in forever, and it wasn't awkward. But this certainly was. So we awkwardly parted, and my friend and I went back into my apartment.

So upon returning, we watched Running With Scissors, a movie that would have been better had I not read the book. However, partway through, for some unknown reason, we started having an incredibly vicious wrestling (wrastlin') match. It really got out of hand, but I'm proud to say that I was the obvious victor.

The only problem was that we shredded our couch cushions. This happens all the time. Our couch has been sewn back together over a dozen times so far this year. The only thing is that it's generally the sign that people have been hooking up on the couch. Of course, we weren't hooking up, but we figured we might as well pretend.

So we left condoms out on the table, she put on a pair of my pants, and when my roommates got home, they felt incredibly awkward seeing us cuddle on the couch, and I loved it.

So at about 3 I drove her home, and I said to myself, "I'm in a car, I might as well go to Meijer." So I hit it up, and upon walking in the store, I immediately decided that I needed to buy bacon (obviously). So I bought my bacon, and returned home. By this point, it was 4 o'clock or so, which meant (follow me here) I decided it was time to take a shower.

When I get out, I look at my phone to set my alarm, and I see that someone texted me while I was showering. I open up my phone, and my friend sent me this exact text: "Chum." No explanation. So I send her back the appropriate response ("Hoe") and went to sleep.

She never responded.

I called her today, and apparently she had gotten drunk and passed out long before 4:15, so who knows how she managed to text me then, but it made me giggle. So now I just have to figure out what she was talking about. My guess: she was dreaming about fishing for sharks. What else could it be?

We're Just A Little Bit Lost Inside Our Houses. We're Just A Little Unkept Out In The Steets...

2009-01-09T21:15:00.002-05:00

Mates Of State - Blue And Gold Print

This is a live video, so the sound isn't perfect, but it's still pretty good, and it's a great song, so it's worth it. When I marry Regina Spektor, we too are going to form a magical musical duo, and we're going to be even better than Mates Of State. Truth.

So I'm being lame tonight. Don't judge me. My amiga is coming over and we're watching Sex and the City the Movie, because I love both the show, and the movie. That's how I roll.

And it's great, because I've been meaning to meet up with this girl for the past few months, and it's never happened, but then we discovered yesterday that we have a class together, and we made plans. So excited!

Also, this is the most inspirational article ever. Mitch, you're my boy. For real real.

But really, this post is to tell you about what happened at practice yesterday, and I somehow forgot to mention it yesterday. So we're chillaxing in the training room, and after all the players had gotten set up for treatment and whatnot, we were just hanging about.

So we say to ourselves (yes, collectively), "let's cup eachother!!" Now, yes, that sounds kind of dirty, but if you're aware of the practice of cupping, then it's not quite as weird.

Now that Wikipedia article is slightly different from what we were doing. Our's didn't involve any heat, but it did involve a super intense vacuum pump. So the picture that they show of a person's back a day after treatment pales in comparison to what my back looks like. I have several large, raised welts, and they're all a deep deep purple. It's real gross.

Now we do sometimes do this for actual treatment sake. It's super old school, as I'm sure you've figured out, but a few of our athletes swear by it. Most hate it, because it leaves round hickies on your skin for days, but if you can get past that, sometimes it helps.

But basically what I'm saying is that my back is real gross. Real real gross.

That You Were Romeo, You Were Throwing Pebbles, And My Daddy Said, "Stay Away From Juliet..."

2009-01-08T23:09:00.005-05:00

Taylor Swift - Love Story

First off, I love this song, and I love Taylor Swift, and if you disagree, then you're wrong, and that's that. I don't care that it's shitty pop-country (a terrible genre, as almost all country made in the last three decades is awful), it's still magical.

Anyhoo.

So remember the one person that I hate? The one person that I hold a grudge against? The person that was a huge ass to me in grade school and I never got over it because im petty? Remember?!

WELL GUESS WHO JUST FRIENDED ME ON FACEBOOK! DAMN HIM! I will not accept it! I don't care if he doesn't know that we're feuding! We are, and I hate him.

And really, I don't take that term lightly. Again, he's the only person I would assign it to. The only person that even comes close. And believe me, he deserves it.

Also, if you're curious as to what my new hair looks like, and we're Facebook friends, pictures are posted. That is all.

Like A Man Who Has No Conscience...

2009-01-08T08:42:00.002-05:00

Outerspace - Third Rock

For some unknown reason, this video is a minute longer than the song is, so there's just a minute of silence at the end. Yeah, I don't know.

So I had an odd encounter yesterday. One of my friends, a hipster (dear God...), said to me, "I was a hipster before hipsters were cool." "Huh," I said. You see, this is all I could think of to say, because I was unaware hipsters were cool.

Personally, being a hipster would be my worst nightmare. Don't get me wrong, I like indie music, and I like wearing awkward clothing, but I'm far from a hipster. You see, I also listen to non-indie music, and my awkward clothing is homemade. Also, my favorite movie is Rocky, not Amélie (though I do love that movie), and I don't think I'm intrinsically a better, cooler person than you.

OH. Also yesterday. I started working as an athletic trainer for the women's gymnastics team. It was such a change from the football team. It was crazy. For example, instead of over a hundred athletes, there were a dozen. But the biggest change was a total change in mentality. At gymnastics, for example, I would do treatment and rehab and whatnot when the girls came in, but when there was nothing to do, I didn't do anything.

I felt so weird doing it. As I was standing around looking for things to do, the head trainer says to me, "you know, you can sit down. There's no work to do." I confusedly sat down. You see, if I tried such a stunt in the football training room, I'd be viciously berated, and then sent home. Because that's how they roll at football.

So this was a pleasant change.

Also, I had my first day of classes yesterday, and my English prof might be the coolest person I've ever met. As much as I'm not good at english, I can deal with a teacher who prances around the class and giggles. And I'm quite certain that she described herself as feeling like different colors ("I was feeling purple yesterday"). I like her.

And All The Swedish Girls, They Hang Out At The Hotel. It's Sex For Green Cards, I Think They Know You Very Well...

2009-01-06T14:38:00.000-05:00

Butch Walker - The Weight Of Her

So Butch Walker is my new musical love. It's the truth. And after a very insightful Wikipedia sesh, I now know so much more about him. For example, he wrote the song "Girl All The Bad Guys Want," sung by Bowling For Soup. That's shitty pop-punk greatness!!

He's also a producer, putting out albums like Katy Perry's One of the Boys, Pete Yorn's musicforthemorningafter, Day I Forgot, and Nightcrawler, The Donnas' Gold Medal and Pink's I'm Not Dead and Funhouse. He also makes an appearance in Pink's video for "So What" (aka the best video ever because she insisted that Carey Hart be in it), and apparently Butch and Pink were an item for a brief period of time following her divorce to Hart.

Anyhoo.

So I'm at this party last night, and after I've been there for about an hour, I notice that this one girl has been sitting on a chair the whole time I've been there, and she's spent the whole time texting on her phone. So I went over to her, took her phone and her alcohol, and said she could have them back after she'd mingled for a while.

So she takes out her keys and says, "well I live in an apartment down the hall, I'll just get a new drink there." So I took her keys.

Needless to say, she was a little upset at first. I mean, a stranger just took her keys, phone, and most importantly, her hooch. She kind of faux-mingled for a little while, at which point I gave her the alcohol back, as I figured maybe it would help with the mingling. And after a couple hours, she thanked me for making her go dance and what not, so it all worked out in the end. Hurray!!

The only problem was that I forgot to give her her keys back. Oops...

But I got them back to her eventually, so it's okay. Hurray again!!

Would You Run Away? But I Know You Won't, Oh I Know You Won't, Yeah I Know You Won't, Oh I Know...

2009-01-05T18:33:00.004-05:00

The Do - Tammie

So I got back to school yesterday, which meant I had many a person stop by my apartment purely to see my new haircut. The response was entirely positive, though who knows if they actually meant it.

Though one of my favorite gay friends, GayPhil, informed me that while he loved my long hair, he thought that with my haircut, there was no stopping me from becoming a model. Granted, I've never had any desire to be a model, but perhaps...

But no.

Also, timeout. Can we take a moment to go over the fact that this must have been the most uncomfortable this poor woman has ever been? I can't really think of anything worse. Don't get me wrong. Richard Simmons seems like a perfectly nice man, and that time he showed up on "Whose Line" was magical (especially the part where Richard is a telescope. Creepiest moment in television history. Or when he's a jet ski...or a raft...). But really, this must have been terrible.

Terrible...

We Spent Every Hour Of Every Day, Taking For Granted It Would Be This Way...

2009-01-04T15:26:00.003-05:00

Low Season Combo - Colourful Invasion

So apparently I'm an obsessive freak, and the world should know about it.

So GayRoommate is telling me about how one of our friends that's often at our apartment may have pink eye, and he's trying to look out for me:

Me: "Well I guess I should be careful not to be touching my eye."

GR: "Yeah, and you should be washing your hands a lo...well...just continue to wash your hands as much as you already do."

Me: "Right."

Dammit! People have noticed! You see, I wash my hands dozens of times a day. I can't help myself. It's a real problem. But I always hoped I was doing it on the sly. Apparently not...

I'm Dumb, She's A Lesbian, I Thought I Had Found The One...

2009-01-03T21:09:00.004-05:00

Weezer - Pink Triangle

This song means so much more to me now.

I refer you to a prior post, in which I wrote about finding a girl that I may have loved. Well I saw her today for the first time since our meeting. We hung out, got coffee, played Scrabble, etc., and at one point in the discussion, it became horribly clear. Oh no, she's gay. That'll make our love more difficult.

So this was a little heartbreaking, but I suppose I'll survive. Though I do wish I had known prior to our hanging out today. I think that if you're super attractive and gay, you should tell anyone of the opposite sex right away, so as to avoid any confusion:

"Hey there, I'm Jessica, and I'm a lesbian, so don't be attracted to me!"

"Nice to meet you Jessica! I'm Nick! Let's just be friends!"

"Sounds great!"

How much easier would that be??

I've Been Taken Too Far, I Cracked When I Tried To Press My Luck...

2009-01-03T13:47:00.001-05:00

Nicole Atkins - War Torn

So today is my madre's birthday. So happy birthday Madre!! I came home last night just before midnight so as to play her a birthday song on the piano. I won't lie to you, it was great. Possibly the best song ever written.

Okay, fine. It was shitty, and I didn't "write" it, so much as I made it up as I went. But either way, happy birthday Madre!! Again!!

So let me tell you a little story. So I'm driving to my friend's grandparents' house to pick up my camera which somehow ended up there. Don't worry about how, it's a long, boring story. Anyhoo. So I'm driving. I'm in a pretty great mood, only brought down a little by the radio DJ saying that "Jack and Diane" was by John Mellencamp. "John Cougar!" I yelled at the radio, but to no avail. Damnation. But I managed to move past it.

So I get to the house, and retrieve my camera, but I can never pass up a chance to talk to old people that I don't really know. It's a problem, but I can't help myself. I just know that they know so much more shit than I do, and I like hearing about things that I don't know.

And we discussed everything: our favorite movies (answer: Rocky), what kind of funeral we'd like for ourselves (answer: New Orleans style) / what we'd like our headstones to look like (answer: generic, but with a super exciting epitaph) / would we want to be cremated (answer: no), what kind of apples make the best applesauce (answer: jonamac), would Johnny Carson have made a good President (answer: a resounding yes), etc. It was a magical time.

But alas, eventually I had to leave. So I was in a super mood as I drove home, but the gods decided it'd be funny to fuck with me a little. So when the song "Jack and Diane" came on a different radio station, and the DJ announced that it was by John Mellencamp, I almost smashed my car into a tree. Those bastards...

Sometimes I Wish I Was More Like You...

2009-01-03T01:34:00.002-05:00

Michael Riley - Brave and Strong

Now every once in a while I feel the need to post purely to share a musician with you. This is one of those posts. Michael Riley is someone that I can guarantee will be super super famous someday. You wait for it.

"Brave and Strong" is far from his best song, but for some reason, it's the only one he has on his Myspace, and it's the only one that I can find streaming anywhere. But if you want his other stuff, and I promise that you do, email me, and I'll send it to you. You'll be super undisappointed.

You Wait A Long Time For Me...

2009-01-02T17:32:00.002-05:00

Lazlo Bane - I'm Not In Love

I know, I always forget they have songs that aren't "Superman" too.

So I went to Meijer today, and I actually had a goal in mind. Usually I just go there to wander with people, and hang out in the bulk food aisle. Because my friends and I are ballers.

But not today! Today, I was on a mission! Stay away old woman who no doubt has interesting stories! Out of the way small child! No time to dodge you today! Move it family of four! Stop impeding my progress! You don't need food today! No! For today...I bought moisturizer! While it might not seem like much to you, buying moisturizer is super exciting for me. Because, and I don't know if you know this about me, I use more of it than anyone I've ever met. I carry a bottle of it around with me 24/7.

Yes, I do get made fun of for this. But that's okay, because it keeps my face silky smooth. The only problem with it is that it costs 11 dollars a bottle, and I run through about a bottle every three to four weeks, which sucks, because I'm poor.

Many people say to me, "hey, why don't you just buy a cheaper brand?" "Don't be an idiot," I say, "I can't just switch brands! Where's your loyalty?!" They usually start to argue, but then walk away (Victory!!).

So moral of the story, if you have any spare Cetaphil Daily Facial Moisturizer With SPF 15 that you'd like to get rid of, I'd be more than happy to take it off your hands. No need to thank me. Just doing my duty to society.

The Fortune Teller Never Told Me That My Life Would Be Like This...

2009-01-01T14:19:00.002-05:00

Radial Nerve - Rain

Well first of all, happy new year!!! Huzzah!!!

Now that that's over with, I have just a very brief anecdote. I'm watching the Capital One Bowl between MSU and Georgia, and the announcer says something along the lines of "they just keep pulling a Plaxico. They just keep shooting themselves." Yeah. Seriously.

He was, of course, referring to the story that broke in December, where Giants Receiver Plaxico Burress accidentally shot himself in the leg, thus leading to his arrest, as he was not allowed to be carrying a gun around. This incident was really all worthwhile, as it led to this, the funniest headline in history. Yup. They took all the dangerous goods from his home: weapons, ammo, and pants.

What's The Use In Marigolds, These Flowers Are For You...

2008-12-31T01:44:00.001-05:00

Ryan Adams - This Is It

I was just informed by FormerlyEmoFriend that she no longer needed me. She only had to read my blog. There was really no need to talk to me ever. Dammit!

My Friends Were Right All Along, But I Held On, I Held On...

2008-12-31T01:20:00.001-05:00

Everly - She Walks By

Do you ever read news articles and just say to yourself, "wow, I think I already knew that. I didn't really need a reporter to tell me that." I know I do. Take, for example, this article, entitled "Virginity pledges don't mean much, study says."

Gigawhat?? A teenager saying that they aren't going to have sex doesn't really mean anything?? Thank you scientists! I thought it was iron-clad!! Sneaky bastards...

Oh, and time-out. I totally got my hair cut today. It was terrifying.

Let's keep in mind that the last time I got a haircut was almost two full years ago, so when she cut off my ponytail, she couldn't stop giggling, and I almost cried. Here, let me tell you the whole story.

So I make my friend come with me, because I knew that if he didn't I'd have never made it in the door (judging from the fact that I stopped at the front door, tried to turn around, and only went in because he kicked me in the shins, and vowed to continue until I "grew some balls").

So I finally made it in the door at one of the local schools of cosmetology, and went to the front desk, and the woman told me that while I should have made an appointment, I could probably be fit in. So we took a seat.

After a minute or two, I worked up the nerve to open my eyes and look about me, and I realized that every person getting their hair cut in this place was at least 75 years old. Yeah. Every person that was either having their hair cut or waiting to do so was an old person. I still don't know why this was. There was never any explanation. Perhaps it was the complimentary cans of Ensure handed out at the door...

But anyhoo, after the old people were attended to, one of the students came up to me and my friend and called my name. When I stood up, and smiled and cheered a little. Apparently she was excited to cut the hair of what appeared to be a yeti, as opposed to my clean cut amigo.

So she asks me what I would like to do with my hair ("I need to donate my ponytail, and then just make my hair not look like poop. But most importantly, I don't ever want to have to do anything with it past shampooing and conditioning"). She was super excited at the prospect of just cutting off my ponytail. Apparently one of the other students got to do so a few days ago, and she was terribly jealous.

But she seemed confident that she could meet my requests, and she hummed gaily as she went about putting my hair into a very tight ponytail. After she cut off the ponytail and tossed it on my lap, which was the creepiest event of my life, she went about dealing with the rest of my hair.
Let me tell you, this girl was a master. Plus, she was a total baller. We talked about everything. At one point, we got on the topic of NERF guns. No, I don't know how. We both also discussed our families, and at one point, GayRoommate came up, as I was telling her why the faux-hawk is the worst hairstyle ever. "He can only get away with it because he's gay." (Just for the record, she totally agreed: "You're right. Gays only.")

By about halfway through the haircut, most of the other students had finished their people, and we were apparently nearing closing time, so they started gathering around my seat, along with all the instructors. Occasionally they'd throw out helpful tidbits of information:

"Wow, you're gonna be cold."

"Look at that pile of hair!"

and my favorite, "Get there son!"

But she finished off, and then said to me, "I think I'm going to tussle it."

"Lauren," I say, "girl please! You said I wouldn't have to do anything with it!"

"This will take two seconds."

"I don't have that kind of time in the morning!"

"Are you serious right now? TWO SECONDS."

"Dammit! Fine! But I'm going to have to take back the months of ridicule that I've given to my roommate for gelling his hair every morning!"

So she proceeded professionally tussled my hair. Though it took her roughly 14 seconds, so I'm pretty sure that's what we call a lie, miss Lauren.

But I was okay with it. Because I honestly really like my haircut. So I told her that I'd have to come back to her next time I needed a haircut, but she informed me that she would only be working there until the end of April, at which point she would graduate and move on to a different salon. So I told her that I'd just have to come see her before then, and figure out where she was going to, so I could find her next time.

So she made sure I had her full name, so I could request her for next time, and I thanked her and went on my way.

Fin.

And that's the story of my haircut. Huzzah!

She Stood Alone On Her Balcony...

2008-12-30T01:50:00.000-05:00

Goo Goo Dolls - American Girl

Yes, this is indeed a Tom Petty cover. I love the original, but I'm a fan of this one too. But that may just be because I have an unhealthy obsession with the Goo Goo Dolls.

So my band came back from it's state of temporary hiatus and practiced tonight. It was the first time in months and months. It was magical. You see, the problem is that we all go to different colleges, thus making it more difficult for us to get together.

But we played some new songs that we've each been writing on our own, and then we played some of our old stuff. The only problem with that is that for a couple songs, we couldn't figure out how they went anymore, and we had to go back to our CD and listen to it to figure out how to play them again. Embarrassing. But what can you do? We had too many new songs to worry about past ones! We live in the now!

But it was magical to get together again. We only got distracted playing Guitar Hero: World Tour a few times. I ended up having to play bass, as there's no keyboard in the game. But luckily we don't have a bassist, so it worked out for the best. And in case you're wondering why we don't have a bassist...I don't know. We run through them like nobody's business. At last count, I believe we've had 93845 in the past four years, and none of them stick. So we've decided we don't need one.

Besides, all the good bands don't have bassists right? I mean, the Beatles...shit, Paul. Well, the Who? Oh wait, John. Well what about Led Zeppelin! Nope, nevermind. John Paul. Bruce Springsteen has Garry, Queen had John, Tilly and the Wall has Kianna, the Decemberists have Nate...DAMMIT! Apparently we need a bassist!

Anyone play?

I Best Tidy Up My Head...

2008-12-29T00:33:00.002-05:00

Adele - Melt My Heart To Stone

So Christmas has come and gone, and it was as magical as ever.

While Regina did not show up under the tree, I did get a couple of posters of her, and of course, she's looking gorgeous.

Also, ObnoxiouslyHappySister got me two tiny little fish (which I have since dubbed Dequarvain and Miss Mary Ann), along with a tank and supplies to take care of them. I'm super pumped.

And FavoriteSister got me a few CD's, hand chosen for my personal music taste (meaning one of them was chosen "because big stupid girls like it." Damn. I should never have told her about my love of Ingrid Michaelson). She's such a good sister.

But I'm honestly a big believer that Christmas is way better than just presents. Don't get me wrong. Presents are great. But really my favorite part is just the whole atmosphere of happiness and shit surrounding it. People are just happy. Even unhappy people try to fake it usually. It's great!

So really, I'm in favor of the way that the "Christmas season" has started happening sooner and sooner. For example, when I was shopping for Halloween decorations in October, and there was already more Christmas stuff than Halloween stuff. But I figure the sooner Christmas starts, the sooner people have to start being happy. So from now on, I think that the Christmas season should start March 1.

We get two months off. That's plenty.

So Rock Me Mama Like A Wagon Wheel, Rock Me Mama Any Way You Feel...

2008-12-24T18:17:00.003-05:00

Old Crow Medicine Show - Wagon Wheel

Well this is an OCMS song, but the chorus is taken from the Bob Dylan song "Rock Me Mama." Also, there's a few covers of it, but none of them are as good. But if you know my fascination with Against Me!, then you know why I have to include their take on it.

Anyhoo, I hope that everyone has a magical Christmas, slash magical whatever holiday you like to celebrate.

As for me, I'm fairly certain that FavoriteSister got a hold of Regina, and she's going to be at my front door tomorrow. And I'm excited.

I Try And Comprehend You But I Got A Dyslexic Heart...

2008-12-24T16:11:00.003-05:00

Paul Westerberg - Dyslexic Heart

So I finished my Christmas shopping today. I thought I had finished on Saturday, but last night I was hanging out with my friend when she mentioned that she bought my Christmas present. "Shit," I thought, "I didn't buy her a present."

Thus the shopping today.

So I bought her Love Actually, because I love that movie. And I'm clearly not going to buy someone a movie that I don't love, hence the reason that over the years I've bought Rocky for 4 different people.

Also, would a Sham Wow not be the best present ever?

I'd Be A Better Person On The Other Side I'm Sure...

2008-12-24T02:40:00.004-05:00

Badly Drawn Boy - A Minor Incident

So I watched About A Boy tonight (hence the Badly Drawn Boy song) with ExGirlfriendButWe'reStillAwesomeFriends, and I loved it, as I have every other time I watched it. I walked over to her house to watch it, both because it's a winter wonderland, and I didn't feel like driving through the ice and snow. Plus it's only like a 25 minute walk.

Anyhoo, at about 1:45, EGBWSAF's mother comes into the basement and says that she'd prefer if her daughter didn't drive me home, but if I wanted, I could drive her car home and they'd just come get it sometime tomorrow, or I could just crash there. First off, how does this make EGBWSAF feel? Her parents would prefer one of her friend's driving her car to her driving it. Bam! It's probably because she's a woman, aka a poor driver (I swear I'm kidding. Please don't be angry).

But I decided I didn't want to deal with having to get the car back to them. Plus, it's not like I'm on their insurance, and if, through some horrible series of events, I crashed the car, I'd be screwed. That's where FavoriteSister came in. After some prodding, I convinced her to come get me. That's why I love her.

Also, how much would this suck? Plus, how do you explain that to family members? "Sorry Grandma, you can't come over this year for Christmas. We've been overrun by sludge."

Oh, and happy birthday to Robin, my favorite person ever to come out of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.

Pack Your Bags And Run Away...

2008-12-23T10:55:00.001-05:00

The Transit War - Kerosene

There comes a day (Tuesday) in everyone's lives when they realize that, perhaps, they have found their true calling. For me, that day was today (You see? Tuesday).

I think I'm destined to point out people's flaws to them. Not in a mean, mocking way, but more in a "look, you're an idiot, but you're fixable!" sort of way.

Take, for example, this man. I could say to him, "wow sir, you really didn't think that one through. Flamethrowers aren't for use near your house, or place of residence," and he'd say, "thank you stranger! I'm a better person now!" No need for thanks good sir. All in a day's work.

Or, this exact conversation that has taken place over Facebook between two kids from my former high school, between November 20th and December 15th:

ConfusedBoy: "i love you"
ConfusedGirl: "love you too"
CB: "i l,ove you baby"
CG: "love you too"
CB: "hey"
CG: "I love you"
CB: "i lvoe you baby!"
CG: "love you more"

Thats right. For nearly a month, this boyfriend and girlfriend wrote on each other's Facebook walls, saying nothing but "i love you," and other variants.

Now, I understand, they're just confused. They don't really love each other. At least I can't imagine that they actually do. So to them I could say, "hey, you guys have a lot of life in front of you. Quit thinking you're in love. You're 16." And they'd say back, "shut up. We are in love." And I'd give up.

Also. Side-note. I was out shoveling this morning, and I didn't have to dig out anyone that had gotten stuck in the intersection by our house. Last time it snowed, a few days ago, three people got stuck and needed help. So today was a little disappointing.

Control Yourself, Take Only What You Need From It. A Family Of Trees Wanting, To Be Haunted...

2008-12-23T00:03:00.004-05:00

MGMT - Kids

Okay, this song has just been in my head all day. I don't care that MGMT pissed off the entire indie community, their songs are good. And so god damn catchy.

Also, listen to the Kooks cover of "Kids." I like that too. Not as much as I like some of their other stuff, but it's still pretty baller.

Okay, so I go to my Yahoo homepage, and I don't think a headline has ever caught my attention more than this one: "Lesbian's brutal gang rape investigated in Calif." It has the words "lesbian," "brutal" and "gang rape." All solid attention grabbers. Whoever wrote this headline should be promoted, and given some sort of bonus.

I then read the article, which was about the most horrible shit of my life. It's this kind of thing that makes it harder to keep up an attitude of overall trust in the human race. Because it's ridiculous, and it upsets me.

But then I read an article like this, and while I admittedly am terrified of clowns, it still makes me smile. Thus bringing about the restoration of my faith in humanity.

And then I read this, which I like to think was posted purely to give me hope for my 0-15, soon to be 1-15 (knock on wood!) Lions. Thank you Sports Illustrated. Do I smell a perfect season in 2009??

A Pair Of Mittens That Were Made By Your Mother...

2008-12-22T01:31:00.002-05:00

Muppets Christmas Carol - It Feels Like Christmas

So tonight, I watched The Muppets Christmas Carol with my amiga, as has become our holiday tradition over the past few years. And as usual, this song was our favorite part. What you really need to do is watch the clip, and just start it at 3:43. Because nothing makes you happier than seeing Michael Caine do a little shimmy with a giant muppet.

Naturally, we had to watch this part over a dozen times, as we do every year. And it was more hilarious each time.

Also. Is it wrong that every time I see Michael Caine, I think not of The Cider House Rules, or Little Voice, or The Man Who Would Be King, or The Dark Night. No, I think of the song by Madness. And it isn't even a good song. Really, it's a shitty song. And yet...I kind of love it.

The Epitome Of Cool, In Retrospect...

2008-12-21T17:52:00.003-05:00

Sarah Donner - Dodgeball

I love Sarah Donner. She's such a baller. Her album is called Reluctant Cat Lady, and if that isn't enough to love her, I don't know what you want. But she's awkward, and I'm a fan.

So I was slated to watch Love Actually (aka the greatest Christmas movie ever) tonight with my amiga, but for some reason it had to be rescheduled until tomorrow, which was a little heartbreaking, but I suppose I'll survive. It just meant that I had to switch my High School Musical marathon with my other friend to tonight. So, I mean, it all worked out in the end.

But I have to keep my schedule clear for Tuesday afternoon. "Why," you ask? Well, I'll tell you. Because I'm going to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert. I'm super pumped. My friend texted me yesterday to ask if I wanted to go, and I had to inform her that I wanted to desperately, but I was far too poor, so I wouldn't be able to.

She called back a couple hours later to tell me that she didn't care what I said, she just purchased two tickets, and I was going. I suppose I wasn't in a position to argue. I guess I'll just have to pay her back via transference of awesomeness from me to her. I obviously have plenty to go around.

So I'm stoked.

And Maybe I Won't Keep Fighting Constantly, For Inconsistency, I'm Waiting...

2008-12-20T15:23:00.003-05:00

Molly Marlette - Constantly

Molly is my girl.

Anyhoo. So I've come to this conclusion about myself. A realization, if I may. A self-realization, if I, again, may. Meeting people is my fav. I think I would rather go meet a new person than hang out with a bunch of my friends. Even if I don't really like this new person that I meet, I just like meeting lots of people.

For example, when I was scheduling classes for next year, I purposely didn't schedule a certain time for my English 225 class, because I knew that one of my friends was in it. I mean, English classes only have 18 people, and I'm not going to purposely go into one where I already know someone in it.

And I mean, if one of my friends just happens to be in it with me, well I won't complain. But I'm not going to go looking for that.

Or take one of my friends. She's spending Christmas break in Florida, where none of her friends are. To me, that would be epic. There's so many new people to meet. You'd have no choice. Clearly she's not going to spend her break desperately lonely, so she's going to go make new friends. I'm terribly jealous.

But whatever. My self-realizations are super lame. I have a story (though it too is probably equally lame).

So I'm visiting my friend in the hospital. She had some horribly invasive surgery on her intestines, and she had a nasogastric intubation, aka a tube that went into her nose and down to her stomach.

I mentioned this to my father, which was his cue to show me a link to these pictures. Naturally, I showed them to my friend in the hospital. She was not amused. Apparently she didn't find the thought of the tube being accidentally inserted into her brain very appealing.

And Your Face Looked Like Something Death Brought With Him In His Suitcase...

2008-12-19T00:42:00.003-05:00

Warren Zevon - The French Inhaler

Now this a song that I'm not a big fan of, but I love the live version. Hence, the link to the live version. I'm a thinker. But really, I feel as if the live version should just start at about the 2:10 point in the song. Really, the 2:45 point. Because from then on is so so epic. I wish I knew what it meant ("So long, Norman?").

So I'm home for break. And it's nice to be home. Relaxing. Plus, I met someone tonight, and I may very well love her. This doesn't throw off my plans for marrying Regina, of course. Those are still intact. But still...I love her...

I don't know what exactly it is that I love about her. I was with my friend and her friend, baking Christmas cookies, and then for a very brief time a couple more of her friend's friends' were suddenly in my life, and one of them is my new love in life.

I probably shouldn't tell her that. It might scare her off...

Sing Real Soft...

2008-12-17T11:47:00.002-05:00

Jaimee Harris - Lucky

So we had our 3,500th visitor. That honor goes to our favorite reader out of Ashland City, Tennessee. For those of you that don't know much about Ashland City (which included myself, prior to a very insightful Wikipedia sesh), get ready to be informed of some of the city's highlights:

A major landmark is Sydney's Bluff, which was supposedly named for a girl who was fleeing a group of Native Americans and fell off of said bluff. That's right. She decided that it was better so simply fall to her death than be captured. That's the most badass landmark naming story ever.

For every 100 females 18 or older, there's a mere 93.6 males. Yup. That's a ratio I can work with.

Last but not least, and this info comes from the city's official website, the city has five official boards. Naturally, there are boring ones (Budget Committee, Ashland City Regional Planning and Zoning Commission, etc.). But there's also the Ashland City Beer Board, which deals with, well, alcohol, and that makes me smile. This is a board I can get behind. And not just because it's sole responsibility is hooch. But more because the site states that "meetings are held when necessary." No more bi-monthly wastes of time. Only meet when necessary. I like that.

Oh, and this kind of makes me giggle, our 3,5001st reader came out of Grand Rapids. Missed by one spot again.

No, No, I'm Not Scared...

2008-12-16T14:35:00.001-05:00

Diego - Fan City

So I've watched this video dozens of times in the past day, and I might just keep watching it. The description is right, it is indeed the worst faceplant I've ever seen.

Also, you have to remember to vote for Jaimee M. Harris on Ourstage.com in the Singer/Songwriter (female) category. She's currently #6 and needs to stay up there until the 25th, when the quarterfinals start. She then has to stay up there until the semifinals, at which point she needs to get up to #1. Which would be magical.

Oh, and exciting news, my friend called about an hour ago to apologize. She felt real bad, which made me happy. How happy? Even happier than I felt getting an email from RunnersWorld.com instructing me HOW TO TIE MY SHOES. Yeah. Really.

But good news, as it turns out, I have indeed been tying the correct, "reef knot," as opposed to the incorrect, "granny knot." Though I do tie my shoes in a totally different fashion, aka, like a baller. Though I'm fairly certain ObnoxiouslyHappySister ties them the same way I do, so I suppose even non-ballers use the baller method sometimes. But not me. I'm still a baller.

So I go home tomorrow. That should be a wild good time. I was telling my roommate from last year about it, and as he's Jewish, and I'm a gentile, he got excited at the thought of me going home for Christmas:

"Are you going to eat ham?!? And carol?!? And eat ham?!? And decorate a tree?!? AND EAT HAM?!?"

"Dude, we're gentiles. Of course we're doing all of those things. Especially the ham part."

"Yes! You gentiles LOVE your ham!"

"That we do."

That we do.

Come On Baby Girl, Let Me See Those Legs...

2008-12-14T17:44:00.012-05:00

Ben Kweller - Penny On The Train Track

So I feel as if you should all go to http://www.everydayjoes.org/littlechild, and download the album that they're offering as a free download. It's good shit. I'm a fan of it. It's mostly pretty mellow rock, mixed with a little bit of folk or folk rock. Not all the songs are good, but I especially like the song "Sun Goes Down On The City," by Andrea Ball. I was going to have that as the song of the day today, but I couldn't find it streaming anywhere online, so I didn't. I instead opted for this Ben Kweller song, which doesn't actually appear on the album. I don't know what I was thinking.

But anyhoo, then if you like it, you can always feel free to click where it says "donate," and help them continue to book shows and record compilations such as this one. Granted, for most of you, whether or not a coffee shop in Colorado can book quality shows is probably of little import to you, but still.

But again, that's only if you like the album. But I feel as if you will.

And The Fires You've Been Chasing Down Now Are All Gone...

2008-12-13T21:13:00.011-05:00

Basia Bulat - In the Night

So there's few things in life that I really really hate: Kevin Costner, the boy who was a dick to me in grade school (who shall remain unnamed, BUT YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE), Nickelback, and feeling like I'm a sixth grade girl fighting with someone that she'll refer to as her "ex-friend" when she talks to her friends.

That last one is where I'm currently at. Remember the girl who called me a half-friend? I refer you to a prior post from earlier this month. So I've spent the last week or so wondering when this girl is going to apologize, or at least contact me and explain what the dealio is. Now she never did so.

Up until today, that is. So this evening, I receive a text from her. I get all excited, because she's finally telling me what happened. Then I read the text. Here it is in its entirety:

"thnx for nnthing asrhole"

I've yet to text her back. I don't know if I should. The only problem with not responding is that it means that for the first time in my life, I'll be totally giving up on a friend. I don't like the thought of that, but seriously, what can I do?

So I mean, I'm sure I'm going to give in and text her back, probably within the next hour or so, just to try and figure out what exactly I did. Because even if it wasn't something that I actually did, something happened to set her off, and I no longer think it was just the stress of her situation, as previously thought. Because it's been well over a week, and she's still pissed.

So I'm going to have to figure out what it is. And shit, it better be good.

Do The D.A.N.C.E., 1234 Fight!

2008-12-12T15:25:00.002-05:00

Justice - D.A.N.C.E.

I just wanted to remind all of you to go to Ourstage.com and go to the Singer/Songwriter (Female) category and judge songs, and vote for Jaimee M. Harris and her song "Fix Myself." She's powered into the top 10, and winning would be a giant deal. But she has to stay up there for the rest of the month so as to make the semi-finals, and then hopefully the finals.

But again, she's super magical, and should win. And that's that. Gracias.

I Take The Blue Ones Every Time...

2008-12-12T14:07:00.002-05:00

Joshua Radin - Closer

I'm a fan of this song. Really I'm a fan of Joshua "Joshy" Radin as a whole, and if you want his albums, let me know. Also, this music video was directed by Zach Braff, which makes it way cooler. I don't know if you know how I feel about Scrubs, but it makes me happy to be alive.

Speaking of being happy to be alive. I'm currently done for the semester. NO BIG DEAL. I got out of my practical today and did a little dance.

I had to go to football and get some papers signed, but now I'm totally finished. I don't know what to do with myself. Really, I do know what I want to do. I want to go out to lunch tomorrow. I haven't gotten to do that in forever and a day, and I'm going to, and it's going to be magical.

And that's not the only excitement of the day. Well, I mean, I suppose it's related. You see, I'm the only person in my apartment who's totally done. Here's the exchange currently going on between TallRoommate, who has a Physics exam still, and ShortRoommate, who still has a 10 page paper to write:

TR: yelling to the floor below "Fuck, I wish I didn't have to take this, and I could just write a paper!"

SR: yelling to the second floor "Shit, I'd rather take 4 exams than write this paper!"

TR: "I don't know what kind of exams you're taking, but a paper is so much easier!"

SR: "All you have to do is fill in bubbles! How hard is that!?"

TR: "All you have to do is put words together! Small children can do that!"

I think it's time for me to step in. Wait for it.

SR + TR tigether: "GO KILL YOURSELF!"

Apparently they didn't like me reminding them that I'm already done...

And Said, "This Will All Have To Come Undone..."

2008-12-11T15:02:00.003-05:00

Missy Higgins - Scar

Here's the opening sentence to a chapter in my Stats book:
"When a sample is drawn from a population with a known or estimated mean (m) and standard deviation (σ), the probability (or odds) that the mean of randomly drawn sample (X-bar) will lie within certain limits of m can be determined."

I'm sure this sentence makes sense. I just can't figure it out. As far as I can tell, they said a bunch of random statistical words, and added "can be determined" to make it a sentence.

Also, they spend 6 pages discussing the significance of F, but they never say what the fuck F is. Goodness gracious.

The Rest Of Life Pales In Significance, I'm Looking For Someone With Whom To Dance...

2008-12-11T11:40:00.004-05:00

The Magnetic Fields - With Whom To Dance

So yesterday was my last day at football. I won't lie to you, it's gotten to the point that I'm very tired all the time, and I was super super pumped that it finally ended. The last week or so there, we've been doing essentially nothing. There's been no reason for us to be there. I taped a few people, and handed out some ice, but did nothing a trained monkey couldn't do.

But I just got my clinical assignment for next semester. I'll be working women's gymnastics and women's crew. I hate to say that these are two sports I know very little about. Football, yes. Gymnastics? Crew? No. But I'm super excited, and I guess I'll figure it out as I go.

But that's not the point of this post. So I have three exams today, two of which have already occured this morning. So naturally I spent all of last night studying. So I'm in the library, and I see one of my friends, so (obviously) I choose to whip my pen at him. As I'm what we call "uncoordinated," and "unskilled," and "an idiot," I missed terribly, and it went flying across the library.

"Shit," I say, as I get up to chase after it. So I warn the girl who's chair it's under to not be too creeped out as I bend down under her. It was a little awkward. And then as I'm walking back, I see some girl laughing at me. Gigawhat??

So I say to her, "oh girl please, what're you laughing at?"

"That you just looked like an idiot in front of a bunch of people."

"Oh, right. Good thing they're strangers, and I'll probably never see them again."

"You really think people are just going to forget you? And everytime people see you on the street, they're going to think of this moment."

"Damn. You're right. Let's be friends."

So point of the story, I made a new friend. But I don't remember her name. Shit. So perhaps, that was both the hopeful beginning and crushing end of our friendship. But I suppose what can you do?

Found It, God, And Begged Him, Fight Your Body Back...

2008-12-10T00:22:00.003-05:00

Land Of Talk - Some Are Lakes

So I'm just going to go ahead and say that this story is totally false. Basically, what they're saying is that a deer jumped through a window, walked through a classroom, kicked a child in the head, and then jumped out of the same window and disappeared. Really? Because I'm pretty sure that doesn't happen.

I'm fairly certain that kid was hurt in some awkward way, and the teacher panicked. "Hold on kids! Here's what happened! So there was this deer..."

I Have A Hard Time Opening My Eyes Underwater...

2008-12-09T12:35:00.003-05:00

Jon Lajoie - Everyday Normal Guy 2

Okay my roommates and I were listening to this man, and we found it hilarious. I'm sorry. But warning, it is a bit vulger. But he's basically taking everything that a rapper would say, and saying the opposite, and it's great. But this is not the best one.

That title clearly belongs to "Show Me Your Genitals," which is far far more offensive. But if you can take the sexism and vulgarity in stride, it honestly is incredibly funny. Far funnier than "Everyday Normal Guy" or its sequal. So if you won't take it too seriously, please watch the second one. It'll make you giggle a lot. But you have to watch it to the end, and actually watch the video, don't just listen to it. His dancing makes it.

He Acquired These Things From A Life Of Crime, Now He's Selling Them To Raise His Bail, He Was Rippin' Off The People...

2008-12-09T10:49:00.008-05:00

Neil Young - Ordinary People Part 2

This is an 18 minute song, so there's two parts. And I understand that 18 minutes is a bit of an undertaking, but if you have the time, and you haven't heard this song, you need to listen to it. It's easily one of my favorite Neil Young songs. It's from his most recent studio album, Chrome Dreams II, but it was originally recorded for an album in the late 80's, but they didn't include it then, because it's hard to sell an 18 minute song. But I love it, and if you like it, and you'd like the album, let me know.

So I just thought I'd let all of you know, in case for some reason you were wondering, I just killed my first anatomy exam. Made it my bitch. I said, "hey exam, I'ma make you my bitch." And then I did. And it was magical. And clearly I had no choice but to include that picture. Tinkerbell is being a little ho!

So I was owning it, which meant I finished it pretty fast, leaving me time to go back and look over it. When I turned it in, I was maybe the third person to do so, and the prof says to me, "that was pretty fast." So I get kind of flustered.

"But...um...you didn't say that for the other people..."

He tried to defend himself. "No, I meant it as a good thing. I think it probably means you did well."

So apparently I'm just paranoid (and I'm a Black Sabbath fan). But it was too late to back down and agree with him. I had to take a stand. "Well Brian, I still think you're a jerkface." Victory!!

We then had a joint giggle session, and yes, it was indeed as schoolgirlish as it sounds.